


All Our Stars

by QueenPotema



Series: A Dark and Jeweled Sky [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, M/M, Mild Gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:41:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26035063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenPotema/pseuds/QueenPotema
Summary: "I feel old," Tobirama says, unable to lift his head for the tired feeling crushing him. Rain continues to pound into the earth, soaking both him and Izuna to the bone and making their hair and clothes cling to them. "I feel like a relic of a generation long gone. I'm only thirty-four years old, I haven't even lived half of one average human lifespan yet, but it feels like I'm already on my third or fourth."Izuna remains silent, perhaps at a loss for words that would even begin to help this situation. Tobirama looks up at him, baring all that he feels in his expression for once."How did you do this? How could anything ever make pain like this go away?"
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara, Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Izuna, Senju Touka/Uzumaki Mito
Series: A Dark and Jeweled Sky [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864837
Comments: 48
Kudos: 110





	1. Virgo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One: Virgo - Hidden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MWAH HAHAHAHA!!!! I RETURN WITH THE THIRD ARC MY CHILDREN!!!! 
> 
> This one is not written in parts like the other two, because it is over the word limit to be the type of fic that they were! This is a full blown Multi-Chapter right here! I'm not certain about the chapter count as of right now either lmao. 
> 
> RIP
> 
> Anyway, this story is currently third in the timeline of A Dark and Jeweled Sky! That is also subject to chance in the future.... RIP again.
> 
> Thanks goes out to @KingSunWukong for his constant support and for enabling me to use the full extent of my pain brain. 
> 
> Enjoy the unbeta'd fruit of me being enabled.

Tobirama is certain there are some who would call him lazy for being willing and able to sleep well into the day. In truth, he only does it because he is glad to have the luxury of sleeping in and not being awoken by violence every morning (unless Izuna pushes him out of bed.) Though, as his partner has pointed out many times, the all nighters he has been known to pull during research binges don't do much in the way of helping his sleep schedule.

He does know the difference between days when he can get away with it and days that he cannot, however, no matter that he occasionally pretends not to. Today is the latter, and he begrudgingly drags himself out of bed when he realizes Izuna's warmth is already gone. 

The albino sighs deeply and runs through the motions of putting on his clothes and fixing his hair before he heads to the kitchen to find the note and breakfast left for him. The smell of incense from his partner's daily prayers for his family has already faded, which tells Tobirama that Izuna got up quite early this morning and still remembered to leave these things for him through what was without a doubt a hurried preparation for a busy day.

Tobirama smiles a bit at the thought. The little Uchiha has become quite the early bird since the implementation of his police force. It took them years, nearly a decade in fact, to perfect the idea, get it through Hashirama and the council and recruit enough shinobi from each clan to fill its roles. That is why today is a day of great joy for both of them, as Izuna will be receiving his first wave of young cadets from the branch of the academy set up to be the curriculum for students who wished to be a part of the police instead of shinobi. Students from every clan in Konoha jumped on the idea luckily, including Hikaku's son, Kagami, who is twelve now. 

He plucks up Izuna's note which reads:

_Roses are red_

_Violets are blue_

_If you aren't up by 10_

_I'm going to murder you_

Followed by a poorly rendered drawing of Izuna standing on top of Tobirama's presumably dead body, judging by the x's over the eyes of the drawing. Tobirama stifles a few chuckles. 

Ever since he told Izuna he thought the typical mushy 'romantic' things some couples did were stupid, the man has gone out of his way to do things that would be unbearably sweet and dumb if he wasn't as full of spite as he is. His gestures were anything from flowers that were either allergy inducing or poisonous to these little death threat poems and most things in between. Tobirama keeps the best of the bunch in a little box hidden in a closet. 

If anyone had told the albino all those years ago during the clan wars that he would have a loving almost sickeningly domestic relationship with Uchiha Izuna of all people, he would have taken them to have their head examined by a medic without missing a beat. And yet, here he is tucking an awful little murder poem in a box with several others and hiding them away.

Honestly, his father is probably rolling in his grave. Which means Tobirama is doing exactly right. He was the perfect soldier when he was young to appease his abuser and save himself and his brothers pain, but the moment the man died, Tobirama vowed to do whatever it took to be something his father would hate. That meant caring and guiding those under him with patience, it meant letting people into his heart, even if it was only a few people that actually ended up getting there, it meant working every single day to make the world a little more bearable for the next generation instead of letting things get worse and worse. And if he ends up a haphazard mixture of both of those versions of himself until the day he dies, then he can live with that at least, so long as no one could ever look at him and see Senju Butsuma.

He has succeeded for the most part. But the one person who looks at him as his father's perfect soldier now, is one of three people he finds it almost unbearable to disappoint. 

His Anija, who thinks little enough of him to label him a child murderer and leave it at that. Time does nothing to heal that wound, and no matter how much Tobirama hates it, the rift between them has only grown wider over the years despite his attempts to reach across it. Hashirama is… guarded these days. He smiles and laughs and gives mushy speeches the same as always but none of it ever reaches his eyes. 

Tobirama just wants that relationship back, he wants to see a real smile on his brother's face again, but he has no idea how to get there. 

He turns to look at the little pile of scrolls laying on the counter. It's supposed to be a project for him and Hashirama to work on together to try and rebuild what they once had, and to try and alleviate some of the tension between his brother and his partner all in one. Now that he has a chance to present it without Izuna around though, he has begun to have second thoughts about it. There are so many subjective variables based on how the two people he loves react, and he's never been great at predicting emotional reactions... 

There's still time before he is supposed to show up to the office if he skips breakfast, he should get a second opinion first.

* * *

He goes to talk to Mito, but as with most days, Touka is with the woman speaking in quiet voices when he appears in the living room of his brother's house. Hashirama is already gone for the day, he checked with his sensory chakra before coming. 

Both women are used to his sudden appearances by now, so neither of them give start, but they do hurriedly silence their hushed words, as if it is something they do not want him to hear. Tobirama scowls a bit at that knowledge.

"Tobi! It's nice to see you." Mito greets pleasantly. 

Tobirama had gotten off on the wrong foot with Mito initially when they met, but she got along with Izuna excellently, and through him they warmed up to each other. She is a serene voice of encouragement in his life now, and one of three people he is extremely close to, which is why he came to seek her council.

"Mito. Touka." Tobirama offers as greeting as he shifts his scrolls under his arm.

Touka waves at him lazily but stays quiet. 

"What brings you here, darling? Aren't you supposed to be helping with Hashirama's part of today's graduation ceremony?" Mito asks.

"I am not late yet. I wanted to ask you about something I was going to try to pitch to Hashirama. It's a project I have been wanting to do for awhile, but it is a complicated one." The albino explains.

Mito holds out a hand and he puts the most important scroll of the bunch in it. She looks over it for a few seconds and then hands it to Touka whose eyebrows raise immediately upon seeing it. 

"Marriage?" Mito asks with a head tilt

Tobirama nods, "Yes. Same sex marriage to be exact. It's illegal right now, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that law stupid and unfair."

Mito giggles a bit, "No, I'm sure not. Need I ask who it is you are wanting to marry?"

Tobirama feels his cheeks heat up a bit and he pointedly avoids eye contact with either of the smirking women, "You need not, you already know. Don't tell him yet though. I'm going to surprise him when I get this law changed."

"You sound certain that's what you want to do little cousin." Touka interjects, "Why are you asking for advice if you've already made up your mind?"

"It is an excellent idea, even if the implementation will be harrowing to get through the closed minds of the stubborn council and elders. All citizens should have equal rights going forward, regardless of who they love. You would not be the only one benefiting from this change of law if that is what you are worried about," Mito tacks on as an afterthought.

Tobirama shifts a bit uncomfortably, "No, that's not really it. Objectively, I know that this is the right thing to do. Konoha is supposed to be safe and fair for all her citizens. But… well, I was hoping something positive like this to work on with Anija would…"

He can't even finish the thought because of how pathetic it sounds even in his head. He crosses his arms over his chest, cradling his scrolls like they are an infant in the process, as if to protect himself from the pain within.

A slight frown appears on Touka's face, sharpening her already angular features. Mito keeps her expression carefully neutral, but there's a darkening of her chakra that denotes a similar shift in mood. It's a frustrating thing, to know that both of them continue to hide something from him, especially considering that Touka at least should know he can sense the omission.

"Tobi, darling, I don't know if-" Mito begins but Touka cuts her off.

"It's worth a shot right?" She says with an obviously forced smile. Tobirama is incredibly tired of people faking smiles. "The Tree Stump has not been himself lately, it may be good for him to focus on something constructive for a bit and remember his family." 

"Right." Tobirama replies slowly as he glances between the two women he loves as sisters with suspicion. Whatever they are hiding, two things are certain. One, it has something to do with Hashirama, and two, it is a newer development then what is already wrong. "I was worried he may react badly was all."

"To his younger brother being in love and wanting to get married? If he does, is that not his problem? You have been with Izuna for ten years, it's obvious you two are happy together. I know you are trying to fix things with Hashirama, but maybe consider that those are not your problems to solve darling." Mito says smoothly as she hands back the scroll he gave her. 

Tobirama resettles it with the others and sighs, "Maybe not. I just wish I knew what happened to make him trust me so little."

"Nothing Tobi, he just has his head up his own ass as usual." Touka states, ignoring the bait to try and figure out what's going on and walling him off again.

They are obviously not going to tell Tobirama whatever it is they know. That's fine, he knows someone who can sniff it out. The albino is absolutely sick of his loved ones hiding from him. 

"I should get going. I don't want to be late." He says as he turns to leave. 

Tobirama feels tired in ways he doesn't understand as he waves his cousin and sister in law goodbye.

* * *

Tobirama takes a deep breath as he pushes into the Hokage's office, one arm full of scrolls and the other braced on the door.

Hashirama looks up and offers that infuriating hollow smile, "Tobirama."

The albino feels a pinch of hurt at the address when he realizes he can't remember the last time Hashirama addressed him by a silly nickname or as his brother. Why did it come to this? Does Hashirama still believe he murdered that girl all those years ago? How could he when he saw the creature that truly did it for himself? 

"Anija." Tobirama offers back.

"What's all that for?" Hashirama asks gesturing to the scrolls under Tobirama's arm.

There's no need to be afraid of this, it's his brother he's talking to. Why is his heart beating so fast? 

"I thought you may want a break from all the seriousness and negativity of politics." Tobirama says slowly, "This is not an easy project really, but it is a positive one for the village as a whole. It will be a nice thing to work on together."

"I thought Izuna was your go to." Hashirama snipes none too pleasantly despite the smile still plastered on his face.

The only thought that Tobirama can coherently muster is, _what_ , but before he can voice it his brother soldiers on.

"I mean after all, you did team up with him to shove that 'Police Force' down my throat." 

"Shove it-- you agreed to that bill! If you had grievances why didn't you say anything?"

Hashirama shrugs and leans back in his chair, "You don't listen to me, and you definitely don't talk things over with me so why bother? You would have found some way to go behind my back, you always do."

Tobirama physically recoils at that acidic remark before schooling his expression back into a neutral state. He has fallen all the way from second best to 'why bother' in his brother's regards, but as always, he can't bring himself to show just how much that hurts. If only he understood _why,_ then maybe he could fix it. 

"Well, you're here with it, so tell me what it is I suppose." Hashirama sighs out vaguely gesturing at the paperwork Tobirama had forgotten he was holding. It seems naive now to expect this to bring them back together, Tobirama feels stupid for thinking that in the first place, but refusing to hand it over now would reinforce what Hashirama already believes and make things worse. 

The albino carefully keeps his expression blank, wrapping his shell as hard as he can around himself, and places his notes on the law itself on his brother's desk. 

"It's a proposal for a change of law, but it will be a hard one to pass for cultural and stigma reasons. That was the part I thought it would be best to have help with." Tobirama supplies in a neutral tone.

Hashirama skims over one of the scrolls briefly and then scoffs, "Always quick to put in the work for progress that benefits you, huh?"

Tobirama barely hides a flinch, "I am not the only one who would benefit from a law allowing same-sex marriages."

"No, of course not. It would make your Uchiha happy too, right?" The Hokage snips with a soft smile to contrast his needle sharp tone, "I don't know why you are bringing this to me. Have Izuna help you get it though the council, and I will sign off on whatever you come up with like a good little puppet." 

Tobirama grits his teeth. He doesn't trust himself to argue against that statement without raising his voice or allowing the burning in his eyes to turn into full blown tears so he just nods his acknowledgement and gathers the scrolls before leaving to go to his own office.

* * *

He feels Izuna's fiery chakra approaching about an hour later, and strives to pull himself back together. Today is supposed to be a happy day, Tobirama doesn't want to dampen it for his lover by sulking just because his brother doesn't love him anymore. That would be pathetic and unfair. 

It's much easier to regain his composure when Izuna bursts through his door with his hair haphazardly scattered about and his formal uniform askew. A smile creeps onto Tobirama's face without him realizing it. How did this man manage to survive this long as a shinobi when he has this little grace? 

"I decided to wear my hair down to the graduation today!" Izuna exclaims proudly as he puts both of his hands on his hips and straightens his back to show himself off as if he was a peacock stretching out his feathers, "How do I look?" 

His ridiculous pose only makes his crooked uniform stick out more, and his hair, which has gotten long enough to reach his waist over the years, falls off of his shoulders as if trying desperately to return to its normal position in its thin ponytail and save him the embarrassment of looking like someone draped ramen across his head. Tobirama chuckles heartily at him as he rounds his desk to approach the Uchiha.

"Awful really." The albino replies as he straightens the crooked mid-rib length jacket marked with a shuriken that has the Leaf symbol in the middle on each shoulder. He then moves on to the leather holsters wrapped around his partner's chest and straightens them too. "There. Now where's your hair tie? You look ridiculous like that."

Izuna smiles sheepishly, "It's actually down because I couldn't find one this morning."

Tobirama rolls his eyes and pulls a red tie out of his pocket before gathering Izuna's hair and tying it back. 

"Better?" Izuna chirps taking up his peacock pose again.

"If I say yes, will you promise to never pose like that again?" Tobirama intones with a grin.

Izuna pouts, "Rude. I look great in this pose."

"Nobody would look great in that pose," Tobirama sighs as he steps closer and rests his hands on Izuna's waist. He is certain that the Uchiha is going to find the gesture strange, since he normally doesn't initiate physical affection, but he can't resist the urge to seek Izuna's warmth right now.

The shorter man stretches his body so he can wraps his arms around Tobirama's neck and look him in the eye. "What's wrong?"

 _Everything_ , Tobirama wants to say, _I'm grieving a brother whose not even dead, I have just pushed him away without meaning to and he won't let me fix it, my cousin and my sister in law don't trust me for some reason, and I feel like I'm drowning in this feeling even though I can't name it, I just know it hurts._

"Nothing," Tobirama says instead, "I'm okay."

Izuna seems unconvinced, "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Of course I know that," the albino answers. 

_But my problems aren't your burdens, I already put them on you once and you almost died trying to fix them. I know you would do anything to help me, but I'm a shinobi, a grown man, and I should not have to depend on anyone to work through this._ He finishes in his head. 

Izuna continues to pin him down with worried eyes. Tobirama kisses his partner's creased brow to ease the lines there.

"I promise I would tell you if there was something to tell." He says softly.

 _Liar,_ he tells himself.

"Alright, I believe you." Izuna mumbles. 

Tobirama allows himself a few more moments in his lover's arms to suppress the feelings that were making his throat tighten and then pulls away.

"You came to get me to finish the graduation preparations, right? I'm ready, let's go. We don't want to be late getting everything together, you are captain of the police force after all, it would look bad if you weren't prepared to accept your cadets." He says as he grasps the things he needs off his desk.

"Right." Izuna says a bit faintly. 

They set out together, and Tobirama pulls on his best neutral mask as they go to fetch Hashirama. He will do his level best to keep this a happy day for Izuna, even if that means other people will see him and think he doesn't care about the occasion at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:) I tormented Izuna for two whole arcs, its Tobirama's turn now. Lmao. Comments and Kudos keep my life support machine going XD


	2. Cassiopeia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two: Cassiopeia - Conceited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO DEAR READERS!!! I am happy to be back and writing this story again! 
> 
> Just as a heads up though, my life is hectic right now thanks to Hurricane Laura, so please bear with me. My update speed is bound to take a hit. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this!

The graduation ceremony is not a particularly grand event, but it is moving nonetheless in its significance. Hashirama presents headbands to the Genin, Izuna presents the cadets with a band bearing the police symbol, and they both subtly ignore each other for the whole event. 

Tobirama is torn between the pride of seeing his brother's dream, and his and Izuna's dream, truly sprout in the next generation and the pain of seeing the barriers between the people he loves. Still, his partner has a sincere look of content on his face throughout the graduation, so Tobirama finds it in himself to ignore the negatives.

Izuna returns to his side once the ceremony is over and grabs onto one of his arms to lean against him affectionately as they walk towards the police force headquarters with the young ones in front of them. While affection isn't unusual from Izuna like it is from Tobirama, the uncontrolled flaring of his scorching hot chakra is. 

"I know I said I believed you when you said nothing was wrong," Izuna mumbles so that only Tobirama can hear him, "But I have been watching you, and I changed my mind. I don't believe you. And I'm somewhat hurt that you feel like you can't trust me to the point that you lied to me."

Tobirama tenses a bit, "I trust you completely, and I didn't lie. I am always tense around Anija these days, you know that. Nothing is wrong more than usual Izuna."

The Uchiha heaves a sigh and looks up at him with a frown set on his lips and the Sharingan spinning lazily in his irises. Tobirama knows that Izuna wouldn't let his doujutsu slip out of his control like that unless he was truly upset. His gut clenches when he sees that lovely red in his partner's eyes, not out of fear like those dark years of war so long ago, but from knowing that he's hurt the man he loves this much.

"I won't try to force you to talk," Izuna says, giving the arm he's holding onto a light squeeze, "but do _not_ lie to me Tobirama. Hide for whatever reason you feel like you have to, but never, ever lie to me again. We have always been honest with each other."

He is right, they have. Even if Tobirama omits things from Izuna, usually related to feelings and Hashirama, he has never answered a direct question with a lie until today. Izuna has extended him the same courtesy for as long as they have known each other. That was one of the things that broke down the barriers between them and built trust in their place to start with. 

"Apologies," Tobirama says, "I just…"

The rest of the explanation won't come. To burden Izuna with a personal problem like losing what little of his relationship with his Anija that he had left would be unfair. Especially because it is not something Izuna can help with, and he doesn't even like Hashirama to start with so he would probably think it is a good thing. 

"Like I said, you don't have to talk if you don't want to." Izuna says as he blinks away the Sharingan and sweeps away to join the cadets. 

Tobirama runs a hand through his hair. At least Izuna didn't seem angry about his inability to put voice to his feelings, only the fact that he hadn't been honest when asked. At least he's not being pushy about it like Hashirama used to be when he was worried. 

Hashirama hasn't cared about him enough to worry in years. He feels that distinct thorn of pain twist deeper. 

* * *

It is two days later, in the late morning when Tobirama stalks into his brother's office to start the day and finds the man entirely absent. Hashirama has always risen with the sun and is usually found here these days, even when he isn't actually working and he's just distantly staring out the window. A bit concerned given these two facts, the albino decides it is best to search and not wait.

Tobirama casts out his senses in search of his absent brother, and finds his signature near his and Mito's house. It seems… different somehow, but Tobirama can't quite place the difference. And Mito's enormous and normally serenely calm chakra is a mess of turmoil and fear. 

He immediately drops his paperwork and flashes across Konoha to his brother's home. Mito grabs his arm when he turns to go towards his brother's garden where that ever familiar chakra signature is pulsing with life and something more ominous. 

"Leave him be, darling." She says softly, "He is not safe to be around when he is like that." 

Tobirama scowls at her, "He is my brother. Just because we haven't been on the best terms lately does not mean he would hurt me."

"He is not himself. Not anymore. You have to know that." Mito says with a certain sadness in her eyes.

He clenches his jaw and slides his arm out of her slight grip, "If it was me, he would be there for me."

"Would he?" Mito asks, "Is he there for you much these days?"

"I don't know what your problem is, and I don't know what you and Touka are hiding from me, but rest assured, I will find out. I do not appreciate you trying to keep me from helping my brother." Tobirama growls. He then leaves her behind and pushes into Hashirama's garden.

The trees in the little hollow seem to whisper and reach for him maliciously, and the flowering bushes, grasses, and shrubbery are in various states of overgrowth and neglect. Tobirama frowns at the sight. His brother loves gardening, and always took great pride in his plants and nursing them the manual way just for the love of doing it. The last time Tobirama saw this place, it was an absolute wonder that was bursting with life and energy. Now it seems… warped and twisted into something sinister.

Carefully, the albino skirts his way around thorns and poisonous ivy he does not remember having to skirt before to get to his brother. When he finally does, Hashirama is just standing there, listlessly staring into what was at one time a koi pond but is now stagnant and devoid of life. Tobirama swallows down his anxiety as he approaches his brother.

"Anija?" He calls tentatively.

Hashirama does not react to his voice.

"Anija!" He calls more sharply.

The man in question gives a little start and looks his way. He just stares for a moment, his eyes seeming to bore into Tobirama's insides. 

"Tobirama. You shouldn't be here." Hashirama says after a lengthy silence.

"You were late. I was concerned." Tobirama replies. He tenses when chakra pulses throughout the garden, making the earth crack a bit and the plants twist even further into unrecognizable and hideous species. It feels as though at any moment the plants could take up a mind of their own and turn on him. It is the first time he has truly felt unsafe in the presence of Hashirama's Mokuton. He should not have invaded this personal space when he is unwelcome, obviously. No fix for it now.

"About what? I will get there when I get there." Hashirama snarls, "Don't try and pretend like you care about anything besides your precious Uchiha and your pointless paperwork." 

Tobirama has finally had enough of these stinging unwarranted accusations.

"I don't understand why you think I don't care about you, or why you think I am not trying to get through to you! I have not done anything to warrant you pushing me away like this! If I did, I certainly don't know what it is. Please, Anija, just explain this to me, I don't understand!" Tobirama yells, too worked up to school the raw emotion out of his tone.

"You don't understand because you can't." Hashirama mumbles, "You don't know what it's like to watch the love of your life hang in front of you dying and then get snatched out of your reach before you could save him. You don't hear him every hour of every day, gurgling and drowning, you don't have nightmares constantly about how it felt to have his blood on your face, and you can't hear these horrible whispers, _constantly, without mercy._ You can't understand because you found love after that stupid pointless war, while my love was taken away from me before it ended. This place is built on graves Tobirama, Madara's grave, and Itama's, and Kawarama's, but you don't understand why that's so painful because you can't hear them howling for vengeance."

Tobirama feels his throat constrict. What is he talking about? He's hearing voices? He thinks their little brothers would ever blame them for their deaths or begrudge them happiness? Hashirama should know better. He should and yet, the look in his eyes is unhinged and his chakra is pulsing erratically. 

This can't be right, Hashirama has been _fine,_ excepting the distance between them. Tobirama has seen him smiling with the villagers, giving speeches, and making concessions too large in meetings, just as he always has. But then… Tobirama thinks of the false smiles displaying only the same happiness that Hashirama is known for even as his brother spewed venom and he fills with dread. Hashirama has been putting on a show for everyone, and dealing with this… whatever this is alone. And it's nearly destroyed him already.

"No Tobirama, I do not believe you can ever understand. But you can fix this," Hashirama says, desperation creeping into his voice.

Tobirama flinches when his brother advances on him suddenly like an ambush predator and grabs him by his shoulders just a little too hard. 

"That hurts-" he tries to say, but Hashirama is not listening.

"You are the only one who can fix this. If you care like you say you do, you will bring him back!" The brunette cries in a deranged tone, "Give Madara back to me! This grief, these voices, the nightmares; it's all driving me _crazy..._ But you can make them all go away!"

"Anija, I can't do that. Madara is dead, it is impossible." Tobirama says, his voice taking a heightened note of fear. 

He cannot believe his brother is reduced to this. Has he not been there for Hashirama? He has tried. He knows he has tried. And Hashirama has a wife, and Touka and their clan and the village, everyone loves him. Though, if this is the real him, then they love a fake.

Hashirama may be more skilled at hiding than Tobirama is.

"I remember the rats, Tobirama. You resurrected dead rats," Hashirama snarls as he squeezes the albino's shoulders even tighter, "I saw you, I know you can do it!"

Tobirama winces in pain, both from the now bruising pressure of fingers digging into the muscles under his brother's grip, and the wild lashing of the man's chakra.

"Those were _rats._ Not human beings! I wouldn't even begin to know how-" 

Hashirama gives his shoulders a violent shake to silence him, "You can _figure it out_ . I have seen you do things twice as impossible as this, please just do this for me! Do it for peace! The village! Whatever justification you usually use when you do those horrible experiments, I don't care, but _I can't take much more of this!_ " 

"Hashirama, let _go_! You are hurting me!" The albino grinds out in a strained tone.

The man starts, as if he didn't realize how hard his grip was and jumps back mumbling to himself too softly to be heard. Tobirama rubs one of his shoulders and grimaces when he feels bruises already forming. He looks at his mess of a brother, already burst at his seams and crumbling now, and wonders how he did not notice this and try to stop it. 

He sighs deeply. Hashirama wants what he has always wanted, Madara. All Tobirama has to do is pull off the impossible and he can have the friend he apparently needs more than his brother. 

_I am always second best, whether it be to your dream or to the love you never even knew in any way that mattered._ Tobirama muses to himself bitterly. The thought does nothing but make him feel even more pathetic and he rakes a hand through his hair.

Still… if this is what will breathe life back into their relationship, if it will save Hashirama and protect the peace, Tobirama will brave this taboo and a hundred others.

"I will dig up my research on the rat experiment. No promises, but I will look into upping the scale of Edo Tensei to revive a human. If it is possible, I will figure out how to make it happen." Tobirama says.

Hashirama turns on him once more with a look of relief shining in his eyes, "Thank you. Thank you so much Tobi."

Tobirama turns around to hide the hurt that inevitably shows on his face at that. His brother's little nickname has returned, but only when he was given a glimmer of hope of seeing Madara again. Tobirama grits his teeth together and wonders if it will ever get easier, the knowledge that the brother he adores and looks up to cares so little about him.

"Come on. We have to go to the office for now. Work to do." Tobirama clips, "Oh, and apologize to Mito. She was scared."

Tobirama knows the reminder of his marriage will sting on the heels of his hope for Madara's return, but Hashirama obviously hasn't thought of it so he brings it up anyway. Predictably it earns him a scowl and a chakra flare.

"Why would she be scared?" Hashirama asks pleasantly, "I was only in my garden."

Tobirama shoots a glare at his brother for his ignorant playacting, "Have you seen this place? It's a living nightmare in its own right."

"My garden reflects my heart." Is Hashirama's shrugged reply.

The albino pointedly ignores the implications of that statement and flashes himself to the tower in silence, leaving Hashirama behind to placate his wife. Once he is alone, Tobirama finds a chair to sink into and places his head in his hands. 

Izuna will be furious if he finds out about Tobirama's intentions before he succeeds. If there is one thing the silver haired man has never been able to cope with, it is anger and disgust from people he loves. He has to think of a way to keep his partner even more occupied than usual, and a way to keep up a front Izuna won't immediately see through. 

The Uchiha's warning about being dishonest comes to the surface of his mind and sends a stab of guilt into his heart. He feels bad about planning to lie after he gave his word not to but… this is something Izuna will benefit from as well. He misses Madara too after all, he still gets that far away look in his eyes whenever he talks about his brother even after all these years. Surely, if Tobirama succeeds in resurrecting Madara before Izuna finds out, the fallout won't be so bad. 

Tobirama hopes not at least, losing Izuna would be just as unbearable as losing Hashirama is, only in different ways. He straightens up and pulls his mask back on right as his brother sweeps into the room and offers him a smaller version of the bright smile he hasn't seen in years. The albino resolves himself to doing whatever it takes to keep this rift between them shrinking.

* * *

Tobirama watches Izuna with his new set of cadets from the treeline of the training ground for a good bit before he is noticed. There are two of them, which is mildly surprising, as he thought the rule was one cadet per officer unlike the teams of three genin to a Jonin teacher. Unfortunately, Tobirama is aware that the village's supply of Jonin willing and able to take on a group of younglings is too scarce to strictly adhere to that rule with their first graduate class. The same is likely true for the police force. 

Another surprise is how good a teacher Izuna is. The albino knew that his partner could be patient and understanding when he really needed to be, but what he had worried about was Izuna's temperament taking a toll on that ability. Though his anger is less explosive than it had been in previous years, he is still quick to flash and start yelling. Yet with the two little ones, he's infinitely calm. Even when they make mistakes in their forms and he has to correct them multiple times, or when they bicker amongst themselves and interrupt their learning process, Izuna gently corrects the behavior and keeps them on track. 

One boy is obviously an Uchiha, even with their clan crest being strictly excluded from the uniform, it is hard to mistake the dark features and red eyes. Besides, Tobirama recognizes him, it is Kagami who his partner gushes to him about often. No surprise he ended up under Izuna, since the cadets were allowed to make requests on whom they ended up with. The other boy has dark brown hair and an 'x' shaped scar over his chin that he got heaven knows where.Tobirama vaguely remembers seeing him around, but he never knew the boy more than as a passerby. 

Izuna is putting both through their paces though. It takes Tobirama a second to realize the drills he is currently watching are a borderline cruel game of tag in that the two kids seem to have been given the task of landing a hit on their teacher. Even the best of Jonin would struggle to hit someone as slippery and flexible as the Uchiha clan head. Tobirama knows this all too well, as he has been put through his paces trying to do it many times. Two kids barely out of puberty have no hope of landing any solid hit on Izuna, and he is sure the menace knows that and is just hitting two birds with one stone using this exercise. One, he is testing his new students and getting a handle on where they stand skill and teamwork wise, and two, he is frustrating the shit out of people, per his status quo. 

The boys for their part are reckless and unspecialized in their attacks. They don't seem to have any teamwork between them to speak of, rather, they seem to be working against each other trying to prove themselves individually. Tobirama smiles slightly. They are young, and they have the time and freedom to make mistakes and grow at their own pace. The world seems a bit brighter after all. Tobirama somewhat regrets his decision to wait another year to take on a Genin team of his own until the situation with his brother crosses his mind again and ruins that bit of wistfulness. 

The two cadets are eventually tired entirely out and Izuna sighs dramatically.

"Neither of you could get even one hit. And you even had an audience watching. What a shame." The Uchiha drawls out as he moves to stand over his panting students.

"Audience…?" The boy Tobirama doesn't recognize manages to ask.

Kagami just groans drawing an amused grin out of the albino. He definitely picked up Hikaku's habit of accepting defeat without grace. 

"You two didn't even notice someone watching us?" Izuna huffs, "Honestly. I thought my exam criteria were more strict than to let people so hopeless into the cadet ranks."

"Don't you think you're being a little too strict right now?" Tobirama pipes up, startling the two cadets whose heads snap to looks at him, "They were fighting an s-rank Jonin after all. That's quite a mismatch, they were probably to preoccupied to notice me." 

"The audience should remain silent," Izuna snips at him before returning his attention to his students, "It is not like I asked you two to beat me. All you had to do was hit me, and I wasn't even fighting back. We have done this same exercise twice now, and neither of you have gotten the point yet."

A vein throbs on the scarred boys head and he jumps to his feet and jabs a finger in Izuna's direction, "It is not our fault your training is so vague and pointless, we got stuck with you!" 

"Sensei, can you _please_ just tell us why we are doing this?" Kagami whines. 

"Firstly," Izuna starts more calmly than Tobirama was expecting, "nothing I have you do is vague or pointless, the purpose is right in front of you. Secondly, both of you chose me, I saw both of your request slips. And finally, no I will never hand you any answers. Part of your job on the Police Force will be finding answers, and none of them will be easy to find or accept. You will have to figure it out on your own. The exams you had to take to get here were far from easy, I know neither of you are stupid, now act like it."

Both students hang their heads in a similar way to the way Hashirama used to when his heart was not so darkened as it is now. Tobirama suppresses a pang of sorrow at that reminder.

Izuna puts both of his hands on his hips, "Alright, listen up you two. Tomorrow, we will be out here twice as long. You will be allowed to use both weapons and ninjutsu instead of just taijutsu. You better bring your best and get a hit in, or I will make your lives hell and start fighting back. Understand?"

"Yes, Sensei." Both boys groan.

"Good." Izuna barks, "You have a group course with the rest of the cadets today, so get going."

"We have a group course today?" Kagami yelps, "But why did we have to come to training today if we had a group course?"

"Because I said so. You have ten minutes before you are both late." Izuna says with that pleasant smile that makes him look slightly deranged.

They both scramble to gather their things and head back to the village.

Izuna sighs and rolls one of his shoulders once they are both gone.

"Long day?" Tobirama asks, knowing that doesn't even begin to cover it for either of them.

"You could say that." Izuna says softly, "I still have some clan stuff to take care of, but other than that, my brats were my last real job today."

"You are more strict a teacher than I thought you would be." Tobirama muses.

Izuna chuckles, "It was how Madara taught me to fight, so it's how I teach too I suppose. Though, I did tweak my Aniki's style a bit. Our generation was tempered by war, and raised to fight for our lives and our families lives. The new generation though, they can be tempered over time by friends and comrades, and they can fight for peace and a home. That's why we have the individual training and we are training them as a whole group too."

"So they will grow as a unit," the albino states. It's an ingenious idea really.

"Yep! If they all train and compete with each other, they will be more unified going forward." Izuna chirps happily.

"I recognized Kagami," Tobirama says, "but what's the other ones name?"

"Shimura Danzo," Izuna answers sounding fond of the boy already, "he has a temper from hell, and he can be reckless when he is vying to be the best, but he is a good kid. Want to know what the first thing he said to me was?"

"What?" 

"He said, 'There is this irritating kid in the class due to graduate next year who is trying to become Hokage, so I am going to aim for your position! That way, I can keep him in line!' He said that to my face. Before even saying 'hello.' The kid has guts, and more importantly, he's full of spite." Izuna says.

"I have no idea why you think that is a good thing." Tobirama sighs.

"Spite is the most useful tool in my arsenal. It is a strength when used right. I just have to teach him how to use it." Izuna explains as if it should be obvious. He then gives a little head tilt, looking in Tobirama's direction, "Anyway, I can do my clan work at home. It's just some proposals I have to look over for the next meeting. So we can go relax at home for the evening! If you want."

"Actually, that's why I hunted you down. I have some things to talk to you about." Tobirama says. He immediately winces at the way his wording sounds.

Izuna narrows his eyes in suspicion, "Some things, huh? Things fine to talk about here or things that are private?" 

"Here should be fine," the albino says, "Not like there's anyone out here. It's just about some projects."

Izuna doesn't answer, he just raises an eyebrow in question.

Tobirama takes a deep breath, articulating his strategy. Izuna is perceptive, and he has an uncanny ability to read people. If he tries to lie to his partner at any juncture of reviving Madara, Izuna will know something is wrong and ferret out answers one way or another. If he just doesn't say anything at all, he will get maybe three days on a research binge excuse before Izuna checks on him to see what he is researching. The only way to circumvent Izuna's perceptive nature allowing him to catch wind of Tobirama's intentions too soon is to do a bit of both and add on a distraction that will last awhile with it.

"First, I will be home pretty late tonight, you probably shouldn't wait up. I have a promising new jutsu coming together." Tobirama says.

There is a tense moment of silence before Izuna laughs a bit, "By which you mean you had a crazy idea and you're going to be blowing things up for the next week researching it, right?"

"I am expecting minimal explosions this time," Tobirama replies in an amused tone. Relief courses through him. The Uchiha didn't question his research directly, all he has to do now is layer on his excuses to keep his partner busier than usual.

"You said projects, plural. How busy are you if you're already staying in your lab all night? You do need sleep you know. I am not afraid to _put_ you to sleep either."

"Relax, I was going to put some of my work off on you anyway." Tobirama teases.

Izuna rolls his eyes, "Of course you are. What is it then?" 

The albino man shifts in place, struggling to find the right words, "I have a happy job, and one that's not so happy, which do you want to hear first?"

"Really? Two? Ugh, you're trying to make sure I'm not going to sleep either, aren't you? Gimme the bad one first."

"Don't be dramatic, it's not that bad. Touka and Mito have a secret they won't tell me. I have reason to believe it is serious. I want you to figure out what it is for me."

The Uchiha looks entirely unimpressed, "So you are asking the captain of the police force to go digging around in the personal business of two women without any sort of illegal behavior?" 

"No, I'm asking you, my loving boyfriend, to look into worrying behavior from my beloved cousin and sister in law." Tobirama retorts with a sigh.

"Have you tried just asking them?"

"They won't tell me what's wrong. I know that they are hiding something and I know it has to do with Anija, but that's all I know." 

The little Uchiha crosses his arms, his mood shifting at the mention of Hashirama as per usual.

"Tobi… I don't think this is a good idea. If it's private, we shouldn't pry."

"I don't want you to spy on them or anything, just sniff around and make sure it's nothing serious. Anija has been acting distant and strange more than usual, I don't think he would hurt her, but it has become apparent that Mito and Touka know something about what is going on with him that they are refusing to tell me." 

Izuna sighs and fidgets with his hair, a habit for him while he is thinking about something that remained even after his hair grew out. 

"I know how you feel about Hashirama," Tobirama continues, "but I know my brother. If it has become more than just me he is alienating, and that is unusual of him. There is a deeper problem, I know there is… I just…."

The problem is of course that Hashirama is still in love with Madara, even after all these years. Rather, that is the root of the problem. Mito has to be able to sense that. Tobirama knows she's a smart woman, she knows Hashirama doesn't love her as more than a friend, and she knows he isn't attracted to her. It hasn't escaped anyone's notice that they have no children, and Mito is getting close to infertile age. The only thing he does not know is what Mito and Touka aren't telling him. He hopes Izuna will figure that part out for him, both because he wants to know and because coming up with another distraction would be a pain.

His partner stares intensely at him for a few minutes before puffing out a sigh and tossing the hair he had been playing with over his shoulder. 

"Okay. I will see what I can find." Izuna says. 

"Thank you," Tobirama replies softly.

The Uchiha nods once and pulls Tobirama lightly out of the unforgiving heat of the sun and into the shade of the tree line where he makes him sit against a tree trunk. The next second, Izuna is settled beside him with his head on his shoulder. Tobirama has to hide a wince when the bruises his brother left are jostled.

"Wanted to be comfortable in case your next assignment for me requires such a lengthy explanation," Izuna says in a light tone, "You said the next one was good, so did you mean it is going to be fun and not boring?"

Tobirama chuckles a bit and lays his head on top of Izuna's, basking in the freely offered physical affection. "It may be fun for you, since you take delight in making everyone's lives hell."

"It's my sole purpose in life." The Uchiha says.

"Menace." Tobirama accuses. 

He closes his eyes, feeling a bit nervous by what he is about to say. 

"The other thing I wanted your help with is a change of law." 

He can practically hear the eyebrow raise in Izuna's tone when he says, "You're the one who is good at law." 

"True, but this isn't one I can get passed with logic and practicality. I have it drafted and everything I just need help getting it through the council."

"I see. You want me to torment them." Izuna says mischievously, "Consider it done, with pleasure. But what's the law?"

Tobirama takes a deep breath, "It is not a law, it's a change of law. To allow couples of the same sex to get married."

The Uchiha goes totally ridged against him and then removes himself from their entanglement to face Tobirama with wide eyes. Much to his distress, those wide black eyes start to fill with tears.

"It doesn't have to be for us," Tobirama says quickly, scrambling to salvage the situation, "There are lots of couples who would love to be married in Konoha, the current laws are unfair, and-"

"Shut up," Izuna commands, "Do you want to marry me?"

"Yes," the albino man answers after only a moment's thought, "I want to marry you. I want people to look at you and have no doubt that you're mine for the rest of your life and vice versa. If you are okay with it."

Izuna's tears return, and Tobirama worries that he has made it worse somehow. But then, his Uchiha laughs and Tobirama belatedly realizes the tears are happy ones. He feels a pang of guilt for using something meant to be positive as a way to distract Izuna from figuring out he's going to experiment against the laws of nature and try to resurrect Madara, especially when Izuna is much happier about it than he expected. 

"Then of course I will torment everyone into letting this law pass." Izuna says right before he swoops down and lays a mind wiping kiss on Tobirama's lips.

Tobirama laces his arms around Izuna's waist and kisses him until they are both out of breath and panting. 

"There is no way I'm letting you go to a stuffy old lab after that. You are coming home with me. Research can wait." Izuna announces.

He is tempted to try and argue but there is not a lot of daylight left anyway, if he starts now, it will be an all nighter for sure and he needs to be at his best tomorrow for an important meeting. Besides, after all the darkness and chaos he has endured today, Tobirama needs some time with Izuna to just… exist. He resolves to start on Hashirama's project tomorrow and flashes himself and his husband-to-be to their bedroom. 

Grass and dirt comes with them, but they pay it no mind. The sheets were going to have to be replaced anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :] I had fun. Did y'all have fun? I had fun.


	3. Gemini

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Three: Gemini - Duplicitous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I'm sorry for the longer waits y'all, my life is crazy right now. 
> 
> This is Beta'd by my normal Beta who doesn't like to be named, if we missed anything feel free to let me know. 
> 
> ... honestly this chapter really sucks, but now I can start my Izuna week fics guilt free so yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

The morning light filtering through his laboratory blinds is Tobirama's first indication that he has been here all night. He sighs, knowing that the all nighter accomplished little aside from making him more tired than he already was and working his lover when he was in bed when Izuna woke up this morning. He is still stuck in the same rut.

Tobirama leans over his lab table, bracing himself with one arm and rubbing the bags under his eyes with his free hand. Raising the scale of Edo Tensei should be possible given that his original notes say that he used his chakra reserve to summon life energy back to the rats, but the two problems that arose after that realization are a bit less manageable. 

One, when he was resurrecting rats, he had freshly dead bodies. That meant he could call life back to the original body of said rat being that there were no major injuries on the rats because he had killed them for the experiment with a quick electric pulse. He doesn't have Madara's body, and even if he did it wouldn't be in good enough condition to use. And two, the chakra cost of calling life back to a whole human, even without the added burden of whatever he will have to do to  _ make _ a body for Madara to inhabit, will likely kill him. He hasn't told Hashirama about that part, because he is afraid his brother may be willing to sacrifice him to get Madara. 

He needs to find a way to make a body and use an alternative energy source. Theoretically, if he compiled all the ingredients of a human body, he should be able to make one, but not just any body would work. With the rats, they retained personality traits and training he gave them, meaning that they were mentally the same rat when resurrected, but it was inconclusive if that was because they were brought back into the same body with the same brain or if the result could have been achieved with a different body. 

It would be counterproductive at best if he brought Madara back with the mind of a newborn. Or worse, no mind or soul at all. He has yet to find a way to make a vessel to call Madara too that would also allow him to retain his personality and memory. 

He's been working for three days on this issue, almost nonstop, and Tobirama finds that he has little to show for it. On top of that stress, there is Izuna's growing concern and Hashirama's impatience to contend with. 

Izuna is busy from the early hours of the morning to the late hours of the night with all the work Tobirama piled onto his shoulders, but that doesn't stop the Uchiha from fretting when Tobirama stays in his lab most of the night, or all night as he has tonight. He has to keep his senses active to know when his partner decides to come check on him during the night. Izuna is only trying to make sure he has food and water, because the Uchiha knows all too well about Tobirama's lack of concern for his physical needs when he's absorbed in research, but it's a major source of stress having to make sure all of his notes are put somewhere where Izuna could not catch a glimpse of them every time he shows up.

Hashirama, on the other hand, Tobirama keeps updated on most of his progress with the jutsu, as it is the only way to keep the man somewhat happy and out of his lab. But he is getting more and more impatient as the days drag on, no matter how unreasonable it is for him to expect Tobirama to figure out how to raise the dead in a few days, and it's becoming a serious problem, since that impatience is making Hashirama increasingly more agitated.

Tobirama feels so compacted under the burden of the stress of his brother's expectations it is almost as if he could be crushed by it. He tiredly hits his head against the wall beside him and closes his aching eyes. Something has to give eventually, and he's afraid it is going to be him. 

It takes a long moment, but he finds the will to straighten his back and hide all of his Edo Tensei research notes away. It is unlikely a trespasser could get into his lab, but Tobirama won't take a chance on it regardless. Even if no one could reasonably break in, people with familiar and trusted chakras can enter his wards easily. That list is limited to Izuna, Hashirama, Mito, and Touka, but only one of those people can be allowed to see this research. He fixes his hair with his hands as best he can and then flashes to the Hokage's office to start his day. 

Hashirama is on him the second he appears in the room, "Did you figure it out?" He asks in a soft but hopeful voice.

"Not yet," Tobirama snips, immediately becoming frustrated, "I still haven't found a way to make him a suitable body. I am beginning to think there isn't one…"

"There has to be! If anyone can find it it's you, right Tobi?" Hashirama says with a bright smile. His demeanor is all sunshine, but there is a veiled threat in his tone and in his eyes that Tobirama wants to flinch away from.

"Right…" Tobirama replies weakly.

Tobirama watches as Hashirama pulls his mask back together in preparation for the meeting they have to go to, and wonders for the millionth time if bringing Madara back will actually fix anything. Also for the millionth time, he pushes his doubt to the back of his mind. He wants his brother back, he wants to help Hashirama be himself again, and if not this, then what can he do? Tobirama follows his brother out of the office and down the hall in silence. 

* * *

Izuna is waiting for him when he finally gets back to his lab that evening, casually leaned against the wall by where his work table is. Tobirama takes a moment to be grateful that he put his notes away and then moves into the room with his partner.

"You didn't come home last night," Izuna states simply, his tone unreadable.

"No. I'm sorry I did not warn you or anything, I got really absorbed in what I was doing." Tobirama replies.

Izuna eyes him with a calculating gaze, and Tobirama can nearly see the cogs turning in his head. He feels nervous under the scrutiny, as he knows firsthand how little escapes his lover's notice. 

Finally the Uchiha tilts his head to where only one of those lovely, deadly eyes is on Tobirama and says, "It's just weird."

"One all nighter?" Tobirama asks, quirking an eyebrow in both surprise and confusion. He is famous for staying up days at a time. Granted, he usually stays up at home in their bed, reading and taking notes in low light while Izuna either sleeps or tries to goad Tobirama into sleeping.

"No," the Uchiha replies, "That isn't terribly unusual. But your table here is completely cleared, and there aren't any books, writing utensils or barely ethical experiments about either. This is usually what your lab looks like after you finish a research binge, not when you're in the midst of one. If I didn't know any better, I would say you are working on something you did not want a single soul to stumble on. Not even people who have trusted chakras to get past your lab's protections."

The  _ 'Not even me'  _ is left unspoken, but the hurt in Izuna's eyes is clear enough. Tobirama's heart threatens to break through his ribs with how hard it is pounding. He tries to calm himself down to little avail.

"I just took my notes and research materials with me," Tobirama says. It is not totally a lie, which may be his only saving grace in trying to convince Izuna, "In case I got a minute to look over them again. I'm in a rut with this project, and sometimes a change of environment helps."

Izuna regards him for a few more long moments and then turns his gaze out the window he is standing beside as he pushes a box of food towards the middle of the table, "Eat."

Tobirama sighs deeply, partially from relief and partially from his growing exhaustion, and moves to sit down and take the offered meal. He only realizes how hungry he is when he starts eating and he's so focused on the simple meal of fried fish and vegetables that it startles him a bit when Izuna speaks again.

"Are your sound proofing seals active?" The younger man asks thoughtfully. 

Tobirama looks up at him to see him staring out the window with a slight scowl and twirling the end of his ponytail around his forefinger, two habits of his that manifest when he is in deep thought. A bit of anxiety creeps back into Tobirama's stomach.

He checks the seals in question before answering, "They are. Why?"

"Why did you ask me to investigate Mito?" Izuna asks.

Ah. That's why. Tobirama takes another bite of fish so he doesn't have to answer right away. This is a question that he has to lie to answer, as the real main reason was to help keep Izuna too busy to scrutinize Tobirama's behavior, which apparently didn't work as well as he had hoped. Izuna is unfortunately adept at sniffing out lies.

"I already told you, it is because she and Toka are withholding information that I believe is vital." Tobirama answers.

"Vital to whom?" Izuna immediately snipes.

"Me." Tobirama says, having to force his tone to remain flat.

"Back to the original question then, and you had best come up with a straight answer,  _ why?  _ Why was a little secret between two people who love and trust you important enough for you to break that trust?" Izuna demands.

Tobirama pushes a piece of fish around his dish, "Because it has something to do with Hashirama, who is acting strange. I already told you."

"You told me a half truth, and you are continuing to do so." Izuna snarls, his sharingan flaring in his anger, "Your brother is acting perfectly normal, so far as the word can be applied to him. The blackfoots I had watch him both think so at least. Unless of course, there is something they didn't see to report to me. Some interaction you had perhaps, that you may want to mention?" 

Tobirama remains silent, knowing that if he tells Izuna about the interaction he still has bruises from the Uchiha will fly off the handle into a protective rage.

"Of course not." Izuna snorts bitterly, "Right, so let me make sure I have this straight. First, you dump two completely random jobs on me. One of them is essentially spying on our friends and your family, and the other one is something that should be important and sacred to both of us. That's kind of strange, especially because the two jobs are completely unrelated in every possible way. Like you just through a bunch of stuff into a hat and plucked two out to give me. Then, you start this 'project' of yours that you allegedly needed the extra time for, but you never work on it during the day, and you dodge any question I ask about it. You are secretive, sure, but you have never actively hidden your research from anyone who you trust enough to let through your seals." 

Izuna pauses to circle the table and settle across from Tobirama, where avoidance of eye contact would be too blatantly obvious and damning for the albino to risk not meeting his lover's gaze. He finds the Mangekyo there, twirling with a turbulence that denotes an imbalance of raw emotion in the man, and an icy feeling settles over Tobirama's whole body. 

The Uchiha plows on, "Both of those on their own are massive red flags, but especially the first one. My strict disciplined and organized man throwing random off the wall jobs at me just so he will have more time for an alleged research binge? You forget that I  _ know  _ you Tobirama. You don't usually ask for help on your own projects, unless you know it's something you can't do. The marriage law? I could give you the benefit of the doubt on that, being that it does involve an emotional approach to its implementation that I would be better suited for and I hope and pray that you would have the decency to not use something like that to play me for a fool. The 'secret' between Mito and Toka though? We both know that you could have easily figure that out on your own, either through summons, or simply taking your cousin out for a drink or two and questioning her while she's drunk off her ass." 

Izuna leans forward, resting his head on his hands and his elbows on the table.

"I brushed it off when you first asked me even though I knew it was strange, because I want more than anything to be able to trust you. I was genuinely thrilled by the thought that you wanted to get married," the Uchiha says, his eyes hardening even more, "Well played strategy really, using an emotional approach to try and keep me from thinking about it too much. If you were playing it on someone else. And then, on top of everything else, you start spending all day with your brother, whispering under the protection of silencing seals, when I know for a fact that half a week ago, you could barely get two words out of him. You spend all night locked up here, in this lab. You refuse to talk to me about what's really going on, you actively lie to me to suit whatever purpose you have with your brother, and you have the audacity to sic me on the one person who has answers to this puzzle besides you and that Tree-Headed two timing bastard. You must really think I'm stupid, huh?"

Tobirama swallows thickly through his constricted throat. He has severely miscalculated.

"Of course I don't," the albino replies weakly, "I have no idea what your talking about-"

"Keep your mouth shut if all you are going to do is lie." Izuna barks. He leans back and pinches the bridge of his nose as he takes deep breaths to calm his anger. A few puffs of smoke curl from his lips, and Tobirama purses his lips at the sight of it.

"You're hurting yourself." He says, trying to reach out with his own chakra and cool the Uchiha down some, but it doesn't seem to help. Izuna knows that getting so worked up that he loses his normally precise grip on his burning chakra is hard on his already damaged lungs. Tobirama internally slaps himself for causing so much turmoil.

"I'm far too pissed to care, honestly." Izuna grinds out as he drops his hand from his face and focuses his gaze on Tobirama once more, "Would you like to know what Mito and Toka were keeping from you?" 

Tobirama nods slowly.

His companion gives a few bitter chuckles, "Mito's pregnant. My caracal says about four months, from the smell of it. Never would have known if not for that sharp sense of smell though, because Mito has the baby's chakra sealed. She's using  _ seals _ to hide her pregnancy from her own  _ husband. _ Toka is the only one she has told of her own free will, and the two of them are planning to flee the village within the next month and run to Uzushio."

That knowledge feels like a punch directly to his gut. He can't breath for a few seconds.

"Why? Why would they leave?" Tobirama asks.

"Excellent question." Izuna says, "You tell me. What exactly is so wrong with your brother that he has scared his pregnant wife into fleeing? Like I said, the blackfoots saw nothing unusual out of him, aside from the two of you whispering to each other on a daily basis. So, since you obviously are conspiring with him to hide something important, which may I remind you is the reason you say you had me investigate Mito and Toka, you should know what has scared Mito so badly. You should know why a woman who told us  _ verbatim _ several times that her husband has never touched her beyond some awkward kissing and heavy petting is now pregnant with his baby."

Tobirama finally can't stand to hold Izuna's heated gaze anymore, and he looks down at the table. He has to tell Izuna something without telling him everything. 

"Hashirama is… different in private, when he isn't around a lot of people." Tobirama mumbles eventually.

"Different how?" Izuna presses, his scowl deepening.

"He gets agitated. He yells. In general, he just acts like he is an entirely different person." Tobirama continues, "But he wouldn't hurt Mito or a child. He has even been getting a little better lately. There's no reason for Mito to feel she has to flee. We should talk to her."

Izuna shakes his head, "that's how it is then. You aren't going to tell me the whole truth."

"I am telling the truth, Izuna, I truly don't know why Mito would want to run away." Tobirama says miserably.

"Fine. Then tell me why Toka is convinced enough that Mito is in danger that she's not only helping, but running away with her. Mito fleeing the leaf is one thing, but Toka will be branded a rogue ninja if she deserts, she will be considered a criminal, and she knows that. Tell me why you are suddenly hiding your research from me when you have never done so before. Tell me why you felt the need to dump fucking  _ busy work _ on me to keep me from catching on that something was wrong. Tell me the truth, the whole truth, about  _ something _ ." 

Silence stretches on for a long while after that, and Izuna sets his jaw when it becomes obvious that Tobirama is not going to say anything. His breathing sounds a bit laboured, even from across the table, likely a product of irritation and inflammation caused by the scorching lash of his chakra on the sensitive scarred tissue in his lungs. Permanent damage he received while fighting for Tobirama's life, and it's been getting slowly but steadily worse over the years especially in the wake of Izuna's refusal to get another treatment from Hashirama for it. That old guilt comes back to haunt him again. A voice in the back of his mind that is sounding less like his father and more like his brother every day shames him for the weakness that gave Izuna such grievous injuries.

"I love you, Tobirama." Izuna mumbles, his voice thick with emotions that the albino can't even begin to untangle, "I love you so much it aches. But I will not put up with someone who won't be honest with me when it really matters. Getting you to communicate with me has always been hard, and I accepted that. These days though… it's gotten to where you are inside a thick shell, and you won't let me in."

Tobirama sighs, something foreign and unwelcome curling in his chest, but he can't put his finger on what it is, "I don't… I am not trying to shut you out. It is not that I want to hide things from you, Izuna. I promise it isn't like that at all. My problems, with my family or my emotional state or whatever they may be, are not your burden, that's all."

The albino has to viciously tamp down the voice inside him shaming him for telling more lies. He may not want to hide things from Izuna, but he is doing just that.

"Why aren't they?" Izuna asks, his voice gentle despite the sharp spike of chakra and the contraction of his pupils in his still Mangekyo shaded eyes, "We are partners, are we not? You said you wanted to make that bond even more solid and marry me, didn't you? Tobirama, what does that mean to  _ you? _ Obviously, you don't understand what it means to me, so enlighten me."

"Marriage, or our current relationship?" Tobirama asks a bit dumbly.

Izuna rolls his eyes at that, and Tobirama doesn't blame him, the question wasn't intelligent, "Both."

The Senju turns his gaze away from Izuna's to keep a clear head while he considers his response. To him… Izuna is a source of light and warmth where there otherwise would be too little. The little Uchiha is the most physically affectionate person in his life, which is something he didn't even know he needed until Izuna started giving it to him. He's strong, loyal, and he is always there when needed with an understanding and unconditional love Tobirama depends on after long days of feeling afraid and abandoned by his brother. Izuna is a voice of reason when he takes his pursuit of knowledge to places he shouldn't, and a voice of support for his case when he doesn't heed warnings he should have and ends up causing a mess. He's a ridiculously stubborn mule, but he's empathetic and compassionate to a fault, always seeking justice and balance, and creating both when he can't find them. 

They fight of course, sometimes Izuna makes him so mad he legitimately considers wringing the man's neck, but that is a good thing too. Having someone who just bent when he pushed would be boring at best, as would having someone without the intellect to keep up with him in an argument. 

Izuna is someone he could not bare to lose at this point, which is perhaps what keeps him from being able to confide in the man. If Tobirama is brutally honest with himself, since he can't seem to be so with anyone else, the root of the problem is Hashirama. Not just following his demands to resurrect Madara. Tobirama has always been low on his beloved Anija's priority list, but losing all semblance of closeness they had day by day for ten years has been incredibly hard. To this day, Tobirama doesn't know what he did or said that started the process of his elder brother turning away from him. The albino knows there had to be some trigger, he had to have done or said something to make Hashirama believe he was capable of murdering a child for no reason. Something that made Hashirama lose whatever love he had in his heart for him. Some wall he built, some comment he made, a moral choice his brother couldn't stomach maybe,  _ something _ that started it and then lead to the rift between them growing so big he did not realize Hashirama was breaking under all the pressure put on his shoulders.

If something like that happened between Tobirama and Izuna, the albino doesn't know what he would do. So he keeps in everything he can, to an even larger degree than he did before his relationship with Hashirama eroded, even if he doesn't always consciously let himself be aware of why. This is such a mess. 

"Our relationship is home. I feel safest when I'm with you. I feel happy." Tobirama answers finally.

Izuna moves to grab one of Tobirama's hands, "See? You said it yourself. You and I, we are in everything together, and together, we are safe. Nothing that is big enough to be a problem to you is a burden to me. I chose you, and I chose everything that comes with you."

Tobirama stares at the other for a long while, but no words come. Izuna stands up after a few long minutes and lightly squeezes the hand he is holding.

"Think about it. I will leave you to whatever you're doing here for now, but remember Tobirama; I will not put up with being lied to. I need you to communicate with me, and be honest. Because if you are not, you're not safe for me anymore." Izuna says softly.

With that, he plants a kiss on Tobirama's knuckles and glides out of the lab. Once he is alone, Tobirama let's a few tears drop down his cheeks and places his head in his hands. There's no real choice here. Rather, there is a choice, a clear one, but it is not one Tobirama wants to have to make. Either he continues to try and resurrect Madara and risks everything he has built with Izuna, or he just writes off Edo Tensei as impossible without all the components listed in the rat experiment and risks what remains of his brother's sanity. His lover or his brother. 

Tobirama feels a sharp piercing pain in his chest, and he wonders if it is physically possible for someone's heart to break. 

* * *

A sickening amount of unease coats Tobirama like an invasive fungus as he waits for his brother on the training ground he and Izuna spar on. He wishes the feeling would leave him alone. It is not like Hashirama is a threat to him… 

He chooses to ignore the soreness of the bruises on his shoulders. 

He sent a summon this time to bring his brother to him. He never wants to see that garden again, nor is this a conversation he wants anyone to have the chance to hear. It takes nearly a half hour for Hashirama to show up, but when he does, he's vibrating with excitement.

"You figured it out right? You know how to bring him back?" The Hokage asks.

Tobirama takes a deep breath and looks at the moon overhead. It feels like the right thing to do, so why is he hesitating?

"I figured it out in a sense. It is not possible." 

Hashirama's smile falls instantly, "What?! Why not?!"

"Because I have no access to a suitable body. Making one is not possible without DNA, at the least, and even then… the strain of the jutsu would drain every drop of energy I have. I would die." Tobirama explains. He takes a brief second to hope that Hashirama will not say he is willing to make that sacrifice.

The brunette does reply right away, he starts pacing and whispering too low to be heard instead. 

"... Anija?" The albino asks, tentatively reaching for the man in question.

Hashirama jumps away, as if Tobirama's offered hand was a poisonous viper, "You promised."

Tobirama sets his jaw, "No, I didnt. I even said 'No promises' when I agreed to try."

"You said you would give Madara back to me!" Hashirama shouts, anger and mania raising in his voice.

His brother advances on him a step, and Tobirama moves backwards to maintain their distance. Trees and roots start shaking and writhing in response to the erratic bursts escaping Hashirama. 

Tobirama can barely breathe through his constructed airways, "I said I would  _ try _ . It's just not possible."

"Yes it IS!!!" Hashirama roars, "I know it is, and so does Madara!"

"Madara is dead, he doesn't know anything," Tobirama tosses back, "And if you can do it, then be my guest."

The trees start to creak and twist and Tobirama's heart stalls for a minute. Then, as suddenly as Hashirama had flashed, he calms down and smiles brightly.

"You need a body right? And energy. Just take them both from someone still alive." He suggests as if he was commenting on the weather.

Tobirama opens his mouth to tell him that wouldn't work but closes it back after a few moments. It…. Actually might. Using a human sacrifice would provide a body and he could use their energy to power the transfer of mind and soul. But then the problem becomes…

"It would be a body, but not his." Tobirama says, "There would be no way to actually summon his consciousness to it without genetic material."

Hashirama barely keeps his fake smile plastered on at that, "Get some."

"How do you suggest I do that? Madara was burned, as all Uchiha shinobi were during the war." 

The brunette's smile twists into a dark scowl at that, "I am aware. They didn't even give him a proper resting place."

"It is more than proper if it is their tradition, Anija. You are the one always preaching that we should accept each other, you can't expect everyone to have the same values as the Senju." Tobirama reprimands out of habit. 

Hashirama scoffs, "Regardless of that, I'm sure some of Madara's genetic material still exists. It's just a matter of getting it from the one who has it."

Tobirama's eyes widen at the implication, "No. Absolutely not."

"Tobi, you know he has them. He let Madara die to get them. The least he can do is give a small amount of cells so Madara can come back." Hashirama says, his tone making Tobirama's stomach knot.

The albino takes a deep breath to calm the affront rising in his chest, "Izuna did not allow Madara to die. You know that."

"Do I?" Hashirama chirps, "There's no proof that he didn't. In fact, he was a direct cause of Madara's death. I may have been the one to deal the blow, but  _ Izuna _ was the one who took my love away from me before I could heal him. Yet he goes on like nothing happened, like he is innocent, and I still can't sleep without being haunted by what I did. Doesn't that seem odd? He should still feel something. Unless he got exactly what he wanted, no? He has two motivations to have wanted Madara dead in his head right now."

"Don't you dare accuse him of that, I won't hear it!" Tobirama barks.

"He's got you brainwashed good doesn't he?" Hashirama sighs ruefully, "Maybe I'll go pay the rat a little visit. Ripping him limb from limb would be therapeutic after what he did to Madara, and you'd have the genetic material you need too! Two birds, one stone."

Tobirama staggers backwards as if he'd been slapped. Hashirama has never liked Izuna very much, and vice versa, but… this seething hatred in his brother's eyes and chakra is news to the younger man. Tobirama knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that Izuna would have sooner taken a blade to his own guts than raised a hand against his brother, he has heard the way Izuna talks about Madara even now, as if he had hung the stars and the moon in the sky, he has held his lover after nightmares where he wakes screaming for his older brother to run to safety, and every morning, he passes the little painting of Madara in their house that Izuna still burns incense by while he says prayers for his lost brother. 

Tobirama and Izuna are very much the same in their love and loyalty to the older brothers they once had. 

Hashirama has not seen any of Izuna's softer traits though, just like Izuna never saw any of Hashirama's, they dislike each other on the best of days, and they barely got to know each other at all beyond their shared pain over Madara's loss in the villages earlier years. It seems that disconnect has caused a massive problem. Just one more failure on Tobirama's shoulders, that he never attempted to bridge the gap between them that grew from Izuna's resentment over Hashirama imprisoning and nearly executing Tobirama.

"Don't touch him." Tobirama says, trying to sound firm, but his voice is shaking. 

"Oh? Are you going to stop me, Tobi? If I went to pull him from his bed right now, would you cut me down to protect him?" Hashirama snarls, advancing slowly on the younger Senju, his chakra menacing and almost painful in its intensity.

Fear strikes Tobirama's nervous system like a lightning bolt made of ice. Fear that Hashirama is serious, that he's going to hunt Tobirama's lover for sport, and pain because he doesn't know the answer to his brother's question. He doesn't know who he would defend if it came to a death match between Hashirama and Izuna. That fear and pain squeezes his throat shut and prevents him from speaking as Hashirama comes closer. 

"Would you betray me for that Uchiha? Or would you stand and watch me tie him up and slowly carve his heart out the way he did mine? Would you be able to stomach it and do nothing while he screamed and begged for mercy?" 

Tobirama doesn't realize how far he's backed up until his back hits a tree and he's cornered. 

Hashirama pushes into his space before continuing, "You said you wanted to understand my pain. If you really love either of us, if you're actually capable of real love, then you would understand the moment your hands got dirty with either of our blood. So? Who will it be? Who will you kill?"

Tremors rack Tobirama and he tries his best to come up with an answer for himself at the very least, but his mind is numb with fear. The thought of having to make that choice makes him physically ill. 

"Answer me!" Hashirama shouts. He raises his fist, and Tobirama panics thinking he is going to be hit, but the tree behind him takes the blow instead. It is broken in half by the force and it crashes to the ground, the loud noise making Tobirama's anxiety multiply and he puts his hands over his head as tears start to well in his eyes.

The elder Senju pants for a moment and then suddenly he smiles and backs off, "Don't make that face Tobi, I'm just joking!"

The albino grapes incredulously at his brother. That was in no way a joke. If it was, it was certainly  _ not funny _ . Tobirama wants to say so, but his words are still failing him, so he just continues to stare.

"That choice won't be necessary so long as you keep your promise and bring Madara back!" Hashirama says, his tone pleasant despite that being an obvious threat. With that he flickers into the trees, leaving Tobirama alone to crumple into the grass under the weight crashing down on him.

That's hardly his brother anymore. That's the monster Hashirama used to be terrified he would become, all threats and force where his false smiles and optimism would not get him what he wanted. Hashirama had always been afraid that he may lose himself to power, and Tobirama feels no comfort in knowing that his brother lost himself to grief instead. There is only one way Tobirama can fix his Anija's cracked psyche now. He has no choice but to complete the Edo Tensei.

It takes almost an hour for Tobirama to calm down enough to raise to his feet again, and another half hour for his legs to stop shaking. It's almost too late to bother at this point, but he flashes to the bedroom he shares with Izuna anyway. The Uchiha is there, in their bed, safely asleep. Tears stream down Tobirama's cheeks as he carefully settles in bed with his lover. Slowly, as to not wake the Uchiha and start a waterfall of questions, he wraps his arms around the man and buries his face in messy black hair.

"I'm sorry." Tobirama whispers to his sleeping lover. Izuna doesn't stir from his sleep, and likely didn't hear, but Tobirama prays he will be forgiven anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos if you actually like this for some reason <3
> 
> Also, keep an eye out for Izuna appreciation week on twitter and tumblr, it starts on the twentieth!!! If you like this series it should be right up your alley!!! Love y'all!!!


	4. Phoenix

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Four: Phoenix - Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii y'all. It's been awhile. I have been through hell lately, but I have been slowly completing this chapter along the way and it's finally ready for posting! 
> 
> I probably won't post again for another long while due to some bad irl conditions but I promise I am working slowly but surely on all my stories, this one in particular. I hope everyone continues to bear with me. 
> 
> With all that stuff out of the way, enjoy this heinously long garbage heap! <3

Tobirama is somewhat confused by his surroundings at first. He is in what remains of a forest, that much is clear, and from the few recognizable traits of the stretch of land he can see, he can tell that he is not far from home. Unfortunately, getting his bearings for sure proves impossible because everything around him is in various states of destruction, trees are splintered and broken, the ground is severely gouged, several fires crackle and pop as they burn freely, and there are even a few lifeless bodies littering the area. It is as if a massive battle has taken place, only Tobirama doesn't remember such a battle. 

Tobirama is so absorbed in his befuddlement and rising dread that it takes him a second to regain enough of his outer awareness to realize he is not alone. He turns towards the other presence and finds Izuna, who is somewhat battered and panting lightly from exertion, more evidence of a strenuous struggle that Tobirama doesn't recall.

Izuna takes in a deep breath to steady his breathing, one that rattles ever so slightly as a testament to the lung injuries still plaguing him, "I can't believe we pulled that off."

Tobirama's body moves without his accord causing a wave of panic to crash though his mind as he moves forward towards Izuna a few steps. He forces himself to calm back down though, as it doesn't seem that someone is actually controlling him, it's more like he's on the outside of his body, watching things unfold.

"Mito did most of the heavy lifting," Izuna continues, his voice slightly weak from exhaustion "but that Fox still didn't go easy, did it?"

Fox? What Fox? Tobirama would try and force his mouth into asking, but a rumble underfoot interrupts him. There's only a split second for the albino's gut to clench in warning before a tree root fashioned into a spear shoots from the ground and impales Izuna through his right shoulder. The Uchiha gives a piercing cry of pain and shock, and though Tobirama wants to help, he finds that he can't move. He's cemented in place, only able to shake and watch as Izuna is lifted by the root that's gone through his shoulder.

"Aren't you going to help him?" Hashirama's voice asks lowly from the treeline beside Tobirama. The younger Senju can't bring himself to turn his head and face his brother, he can't even infuse chakra to properly sense him. A cold vice of terror clamps down on his gut, effectively freezing him in place.

"I guess not. A pity, isn't it Izuna?" Hashirama's voice goes on, "After all you've done to protect him, he won't lift a finger for you."

Izuna snarls and opens his mouth to reply, but all that comes out is a scream that makes Tobirama's blood curdle when a second spear of wood runs through his stomach. The Uchiha is shaking now from the torment, and he grits his teeth and drops his head to keep more pained noises from escaping him as sweat drips down his face and neck. 

"Last chance Tobi~" the voice that sounds like Hashirama sing-songs.

The albino struggles as hard as he can, to move, to do something, anything, but whatever is holding him in place won't give in the slightest. 

"Oh well. Sorry Izuna. I'm afraid all I need intact is your head." The cruel voice says darkly. 

Tobirama's heart leaps into his throat and he manages to break free just in time to watch wood explode from Izuna in every direction and kill him far too quickly for the fastest shinobi alive to save him.

* * *

He sits bolt upright from the nightmare, heaving for breath. Tobirama does not recall having fallen asleep after crawling into bed with Izuna early that morning, but he must have nodded off. He curls in on himself, wraps his arms around his knees and tries several techniques to calm himself down. 

_ I am safe.  _ Tobirama thinks to himself as his heart pounds and adrenaline pumps through his veins,  _ It was only a dream. I am at home, it is a peaceful morning, there is no war and there is no danger. I am safe, my family is safe, Izuna is- _

Just when his mantra of thought and breathing techniques had been calming his fight or flight response, Tobirama realizes Izuna is not in their bed with him. The panic and survival instincts return in full force upon that realization, and no amount of deep breathing will be able to calm him down now until he sees Izuna.

It was just a dream, and it is not logical for him to be so terrified when he is aware of that fact, Tobirama knows that. But that dream had been of his lover getting brutally murdered while he stood totally helpless to stop it, the terror he felt was real and remains real even if the images he saw weren't. It is not a feeling that he can abate with logic it so seems. 

Tobirama all but leaps out of bed and casts out his senses to search for his beloved Uchiha. Luckily, despite it being well past the first daylight when he normally leaves, Izuna has not left yet. He is in the kitchen, his chakra hot, lively, ever flickering like an open flame, and holding a note of pensiveness in it that is indicative of completing his morning routine on autopilot while in deep thought as is typical of the younger man. The Senju follows the signature in a brisk trot and rounds the corner into the kitchen with a skid.

Izuna whips around, so startled by the abrupt entrance and noise that his Sharingan flickers to life for a few seconds. The red irises fade back to deep black when Izuna realizes there is no threat, and he opens his mouth to say something, probably to ask why Tobirama had entered so suddenly, or maybe even to scold him for it, but all that makes it through his lips is a soft 'oof' when Tobirama all but tackles him into a hug. The smaller man wiggles his way into a more comfortable position in the albino's vice like grip as worry takes over his burning chakra.

"What is wrong Tobi?" Izuna asks a bit desperately, as if pleading for an answer, "Are you hurt?"

Tobirama sucks in a deep shaky breath, guilt from his recent string of dishonesty that is hurting his partner enveloping him. This at least, he can be mostly honest about. 

"No, I'm fine..." The albino mumbles, and the darkening of Izuna's chakra along with the tensing of his posture as he butts his forehead against Tobirama's shoulder in defeat revitalize the guilt in the older man's stomach and spur the rest of his explanation out of him faster than he intended making him sound even more shaken and upset, "I had a nightmare."

"Must have been a really bad one," Izuna muses carefully as he raises his head back up and relaxes a bit, "I'm sorry I was not there. Do you want to talk to me about it?"

Tobirama squeezes the little Uchiha a bit tighter, careful to make sure he is still being gentle enough that he's not causing pain as he brings his lover's body as close as he can currently and tucks Izuna's head safely under his chin before he answers, "I… I watched you die. It felt so  _ real  _ that I panicked when I did not see you in bed."

Thankfully, Izuna doesn't try to interrogate Tobirama further, he just gives a light relieved sigh and wraps comforting arms around Tobirama's ribs.

"No need to worry anymore, I am right here," Izuna says soothingly, "and I'm perfectly fine. Not to be conceited, but there are not a lot of people out there who could change that." 

_ Hashirama can _ , Tobirama replies in his head,  _ he can and I believe him when he says he will. _

It is a sickening feeling to know that his brother's threats on Izuna's life are one wrong move away from not being threats when it was Hashirama himself who had insisted that same life be spared years ago in the final battle of the war because he did not want to bear Madara's hatred, even from beyond the grave. It is surreal listening to the venomous wrath and hate in Hashirama's voice when he speaks of Izuna when he had watched Hashirama put weeks worth of painstaking work and copious amounts of chakra into keeping Izuna alive after his stunt trying to capture that creature years ago. 

How much of the brother he knew can truly be salvaged, when such a drastic change of perspective has already taken place? As always, Tobirama shakes that thought away because he is not equipped to deal with its implications. Fear and sadness, the only two emotions Tobirama seems able to feel in abundance these days, seem to wrap around him even tighter as if they were a physical being bearing down on him. He fights to keep his heart rate and breathing even so Izuna won't get anymore concerned than he already is.

"I know that too. I am sorry for getting so worked up over a dream." Tobirama sighs.

Izuna replies with a light hearted, "Don't be. There is not a single shinobi of our generation who doesn't have nightmares. I've had my fair share that you have had to comfort me after."

"You're right about that I suppose." Tobirama sighs after a few moments of just silently holding his lover. 

"I'm always right." Izuna snarks. 

He lets himself be held until Tobirama is ready to let go, and he doesn't protest when even then, the albino maintains a grip on his shoulders for a few more moments.

"Feel better?" Izuna asks as he tilts his head a little to the side. 

His hair flutters a bit, and Tobirama realizes he must have only recently gotten up because it's not in it's normal ponytail, and the shorter bits are in varying states of disarray. 

"Yes. How early is it?" Tobirama asks as he turns his head to peer out the window and finds that while the first sun rays of day have graced the land, it has not been morning for nearly as long as he had thought when he got up.

Izuna hums a bit and turns back to the tea he was preparing before Tobirama interrupted him, "A bit late for me, but way too early for you."

"There's no way I'm going back to sleep now," the Senju intones.

"I figured as much, though I wish you would because you need the sleep." Izuna replies, taking out an extra pot for the coffee that Tobirama prefers over tea much to his lover's dismay, "Still, the brightside is we have some time to spend together."

For a moment, Tobirama is afraid Izuna means to talk about the conversation they had last night, and dread fills him. The Uchiha seems to pick up on the shift in Tobirama's mood despite the albino not voicing a word because he sighs and hangs his head.

"Relax. I'm not trying to put you on the spot right now. I'm definitely not letting the subject go, but for now, let's just take a moment and exist together, like we used to." Izuna says softly. He turns around and holds out a cup of coffee which Tobirama gratefully takes. 

"Ok." Is all he replies, and finally calm washes over him. For now, all is well. He just has to keep it that way. 

Izuna starts on breakfast, humming and chattering as he goes (In the right setting, Izuna is just as much of a chatterbox as Hashirama used to be, which shouldn't have come as a surprise since Madara had been able to stand Hashirama's chatter long enough to befriend him, and he had to have gotten the practice somewhere.) and Tobirama watches him and listens fondly. In the back of his mind, a small voice whispers how dangerous the feelings swelling in his chest are, how easily someone could take advantage of them to get whatever they wanted from him, and how easily someone already has. 

From there, Tobirama's mind wanders to the Edo Tensei. In theory, his brother's proposal should work, but how is he going to get Madara's DNA without Izuna's knowledge? Madara was burned after all, and even if DNA had survived the burning, it definitely didn't survive over twelve years outside a stasis seal in the old Uchiha resting place. He has to figure out a way around that today, he has to show progress, because if he doesn't, only the gods know what Hashirama will do in his growing impatience. 

And what then, if he does succeed? Izuna may be happy to see Madara again, but it is just as likely that he may be appalled by Tobirama's tampering with the laws of nature. If it's the latter… well Tobirama doesn't know how he will cope with that. Objectively, he knows what he is doing is wrong morally, even for him. He shouldn't even consider resurrecting Madara without talking to Izuna about it, if he considered it at all. He shouldn't risk tearing open that old wound his lover almost bled out from years ago. He is sure what he is doing is wrong, and yet… Tobirama's mind is at war with itself, torn between the loss of one of his two most beloved people. 

Tobirama thinks of all of Hashirama's threats, the steady declining mental state, the hair-trigger temper, the force and fear tactics, he thinks of Izuna's soft touch bringing comfort in the dead of night when Tobirama can't find rest, the little murder poems and pranks, the way his cheeks dimple when he laughs, and the way they both always find each other first in a crowd. Then, the thought of never again sharing a cup of tea with Hashirama while he is full of bright hope and dreams, of never seeing his brother's bright grin or hearing that boisterous laughter again, and wood exploding from the defenceless body of the man he loves while Tobirama can only watch; all because Tobirama does not act quickly enough,  _ always always always not good enough, not fast enough, not strong enough, too slow,  _ **_too late-_ **

"Hey!" Izuna barks as he lays his hands over Tobirama's which are sporting painfully white knuckles from the grip he is subjecting his coffee cup to. The albino blinks a few times to clear his head and focus on the present. Izuna's eyes are alight with concern as he loosens Tobirama's grip on the cup, which is by some miracle not broken, and the mounting worry in Izuna's eyes makes him feel even worse. 

"Huh?" Tobirama says dumbly.

_ Don't worry anymore Izuna, it is a waste of your time.  _ Says a voice in the back of his mind, making it even more difficult for Tobirama to maintain his outward composure.

"You zoned out for a minute," The Uchiha softly states, "You have never been that unreachable before."

"Sorry. I was just thinking." Tobirama says quickly. 

_ Please, I don't deserve your concern anymore. I have betrayed you, and I'm going to again.  _ The voice whispers.

Izuna's brow furrows further, "You are always thinking, but you have never… It was like you couldn't hear or see me at all."

_ But you don't know that yet do you? How stupid will you feel when you finally find out what I have done? How hurt and angry and sad will you be? Will that pain finally be enough to break you down? _

The voice is relentless, but there's something off that Tobirama can't quite place. It's a bit different from the tone of his normal inner voice of self contempt; it does not sound like his brother or father scolding him for weakness. Why does it sound just slightly different? What's this strange feeling?

"Tobirama!" Izuna yells, panic creeping into his tone as he gives the albino's shoulders a firm shake.

Tobirama blinks, snapping out of his most recent trance. He tries to make light of it, "Ah, sorry again. I must be more tired than I thought I was…"

_ Maybe I should try to soften the blow, and push you away now. Maybe then, you will make it out mostly unscathed. _

"Tobi, I am begging you, please tell me the truth. I can see there is something very wrong. I can't help you if you don't open up." Izuna says, the Sharingan spinning in his irises lazily as he bares all of his pain and worry plainly. 

_ No matter what, it is going to hurt and I am going to end up without you. I should at the least keep you as whole as possible on the other end, even if that means I hurt you now so later will hurt less. _

"Tobirama," Izuna pleads, now on the verge of tears, "We are in this together remember? Safe with each other always? You agreed with me last night on that at least. I'm not asking you to tell me everything about the situation with your brother right this moment, I just need you to tell me what is happening to you. I know you are hurting and scared, you can't keep this up alone forever, you will go crazy. 

_ I have to push you away. I have to limit your pain. I will carry on alone. _

Tobirama can barely get a thought of his own through the pulsing pain in his head as he tries to make sense of both Izuna's voice and the words echoing through his mind that obviously aren't his.

"Damn it, Tobirama!" Izuna shrieks though the tears now gliding down his cheeks. The Uchiha shakes him again, a little harder this time, "Why aren't you answering me?! Say something!"

Tobirama feels a scowl settle on his face, and he's about to say several things that he would likely regret for the rest of his life, but he slaps his hand over his mouth just in time to stop himself. There's a distinct chuckle like sound in his head before whatever influence had been feeding him thoughts and feelings suddenly vanishes right as he begins to truly isolate the foreign presence. He grits his teeth in annoyance and shakes his head a bit too violently to focus himself on Izuna. The pain in his lovers eyes is even more pronounced than it was in last night's confrontation, and the tears flowing freely down his cheeks as he looks up at Tobirama imploringly makes it all the more unbearable a sight. 

"Izuna, I… I can't…" Tobirama steps back out of Izuna's grip and buries his face in his hands.

A bit of anger joins the emotions in the Uchiha's blood red eyes, "You can't what?" 

"I can't tell you." Tobirama mumbles.

"Why not!?" Izuna demands.

The albino resists the urge to crumple under the weight of the emotions crushing him and beg for Izuna's forgiveness by a very small margin.

"Because if I do, my nightmare may not stay a mere nightmare." Tobirama answers as sincerely as he is able.

Even if the Edo Tensei was not a factor in this, Hashirama's recent behavior would still make Izuna go ballistic, especially the random unpredictable outbursts of rage and violence. If Izuna so much as spotted a single bruise on Tobirama and connected the dots to its origin… the little Uchiha has already sworn to protect him to the death, and Tobirama has no doubt that he was completely serious. But if he has to lose Izuna no matter what,Tobirama would rather it be because Izuna leaves him, not because the Uchiha gets himself killed trying to protect him. 

"What are you talking about?!" Izuna cries miserably. 

Tobirama does his best to reassemble and steel his composure before replying, "I know that things have been unbearably hard lately, and I know I am hurting you, but please just trust me when I say there is nothing you can do, and if you tried, you would just be in danger."

Izuna just stares for a few seconds and then shakes his head, "This is just like when you were in prison. You were ready to let that Stump-Headed bastard lead you right to a noose instead of letting me help you then as well."

"I had a good reason," Tobirama snaps as he begins to rub his temples, "and you did nothing but prove me right."

"Saving your life is nothing?" Izuna demands hotly, "Or is it  _ just _ your life you see no value in? Because it is not nothing to me."

"That's not the point-"

Izuna throws his hands in the air in mock surrender, "Of course it isn't. Then what is the point, huh? Is it that you seem to think I'm capable of sitting back and doing nothing when you barely come home at all and when you do, you are bruised all to hell? Is the point that you don't sleep anymore, and when you do, you are having nightmares so bad you have panic attacks and you barely want to talk to me about it? Or maybe it's you acting like a totally different person, like you are some meek puppy, when we both know that's nothing like you, yet you still try to play it off like nobody will notice, is that the fucking point?" 

Tobirama clamps his teeth down on his response and hangs his head. Izuna has noticed much, much more than he realized, and there is no easy way to respond to that without making things even worse. 

Izuna waits for about a minute and then sighs deeply and walks over to cut the stove off and save the food in his pan from burning. After that he just leans over the counter on both arms with his head bowed.

Eventually, Tobirama breaks the unbearable silence, "I am not in any mortal danger this time, Izu. I promise you that. You don't have to worry."

"There are fates worse than death," Izuna replies in a mumble almost immediately, "I know that, and so do you. I am worried about you because I know what he is capable of doing to you if you don't let people support you and refuse to stand up for yourself."

"Hashirama wouldn't hurt me," Tobirama replies.

"And you would not tell me even if he would or already did." Izuna tacks on in a melancholy tone. He huffs and straightens his back before starting on his way out the door, "I'm going to work. Eat or don't."

"What about yo-" Tobirama tries to say before the slam of the door cuts him off. He runs a hand through his hair and leans against the counter to try and calm his frayed nerves.

  
  


* * *

  
  


The emersion of working on a jutsu is a welcome distraction from Tobirama's reeling mind despite the difficulty of the one he is currently working on. This jutsu is one of the hardest he has ever tried to create, and not just in the emotional sense, though that is definitely a factor. Tobirama did not expect raising the dead to be easy, but the sheer amount of roadblocks he is hitting with Edo Tensei is probably a sign from karma that is going ignored. 

He has gotten all his sealing formulas finished and laid out, but he can't have another seal master double check them like he normally would because that would require he explain what the intended function is, there's no discernable work around for the DNA issue, and finding a sacrifice that is both suitable and won't be missed is annoying at best. Tobirama just wants his life to go back to some semblance of normalcy, but the chaos only seems to get worse, and now his favorite means of distracting himself is part of that chaos. He glares hatefully at the completed scrolls strewn about his desk and wishes he could set the whole place ablaze and be done with it. 

Hashirama is going to expect progress tonight, and Tobirama doesn't know if he will have it. It's late afternoon now already. What will Hashirama do when he shakes off his duties? Come here to the lab of course, but what after that? Tobirama has no way of predicting his brother's reactions lately. Not that he was extremely good at it before, but now it's like tossing a match into a mineshaft. He can never know if Hashirama will explode or how violently. 

A pounding on his laboratory door nearly makes him leap out of his skin. Dread grips his heart until he reaches out with his senses and finds Touka instead of Hashirama. But she has a trusted chakra which means her knock was little more than a formality because she can come right in and she normally does. A bolt of fear crashes down on Tobirama when he glances down at his seals and he leaps up to stop Touka from coming in and all but pushes her back out the door. It shuts behind him with a resolute click when he leans against it.

"Ok, what the hell was that?" Touka demands. 

"I… accidentally set off a toxic gas in there. Have to wait for the ventilation system to clear it." Tobirama lies smoothly. 

Touka gives him an unimpressed look, "Really."

Tobirama nods.

"So why weren't you already out of there then." Touka asks, placing a hand on her hip.

"I just now set it off." Tobirama replies quietly. 

"Right." Touka huffs, "Whatever, that's not important. Izuna asked me to talk to you."

Tobirama blinks a few times in confusion, "He what?"

"He seemed very upset. Worried.  _ Angry _ . He said you are acting strange and you won't talk to him about what's going on. He asked me to come talk to you instead because he thought you may feel more comfortable with me." Touka states, in what Hashirama once dubbed her 'Soldier Voice' when they were young, "Obviously, he overestimated your trust in me and so did I."

"I do trust you." Tobirama rebuts.

"And yet you are hiding whatever it is you have in your lab that you don't want me to see and lying to me about it." Touka deadpans, her expression unreadable.

"You lied to me first." Tobirama blurts without thinking.

His cousin tenses and glares at him, "What did I lie about exactly?"

"I know about what you are planning with Mito." Tobirama accuses quietly.

Touka's eyes become sharp as razors and she grabs his forearm, "Take us somewhere private."

He flashes to the anchor in her living room and she snatches her arm back and crosses them over her chest as soon as they land, "I don't know how you found out and I don't want to know, but do you have any idea what Hashirama has put her through?"

The albino grits his teeth, "No. Because you didn't tell me anything."

"And I still won't, because it's not my place to say just as it wasn't yours to dig into her business." Touka barks, "Regardless, he is batshit insane. It was one thing when it was just Mito, but she refuses to let him scar her child, and I don't blame her."

"Hashirama is not crazy. He's just lost." Tobirama says, trying to defend his brother for reasons even he does not truly understand, "He would never hurt a child. Not after… He swore he would be better than Butsuma. He promised himself and me."

"Tobirama." Touka says firmly as her piercing gaze sharpens, "The man we knew is gone. The brother who made that vow with you is  _ gone. _ I don't know how or why, but whatever is in his skin now is not the Hashirama we love. That's a madman."

"I can help him! But not if you run off with his family! He can't take anymore grief!" Tobirama shouts helplessly.

"Wake  _ up _ , Tobirama!" Touka says, her voice raising to match his as she gestures widely with her arms, "There is nothing you can do or say to fix him, he is not a lab experiment, he is not an equation to solve, he is a person! People do not have some formula that makes them all better in an instant!"

The albino crosses his arms over his chest in an effort to quell the ache there, "I know that, but there is a reason he has been slowly drifting away, I know what it is, and I can make that go away. What kind of brother would I be if I did not try to help him when it is within my power to do so?" 

"The kind that is able to see that the damage is done now. There is something very, very wrong with him, Tobi, whether you want to admit that or not." The woman sighs out of exasperation.

"It's fixable. Right now, he is not acting anywhere near himself, and he is scaring people, but it is still Hashirama, he's still my Anija. I  _ know _ he is still the same person deep down. We just have to help him find himself again, that's all." Tobirama insists. He is not entirely sure who out of the two of them he is trying to convince.

"How many more times are you willing to reach out and be turned away?" Touka demands, "How many more times does he get to hurt you, and everyone else around him, before who he was is too far away from who he has become?"

"He hasn't hurt me." Tobirama mumbles a bit weakly.

Touka just shakes her head, "You cannot expect me to believe that. You are only a good liar when you have a good lie to tell."

Tobirama doesn't have a defence to offer that wouldn't sound feeble to her, so he just remains silent and grinds his teeth together. He does not understand why no one believes him when he says that; Hashirama has never physically harmed him. Well… not beyond a few bruises. His older brother has threatened harm, but Tobirama knows that was only because he is desperate for comfort that he thinks he can only get from the dead. If not for the fact that Hashirama needed him to create the Edo Tensei, he may have gone on simply ignoring Tobirama entirely for the rest of their lives. The albino internally cringes at that thought and pushes it away.

"Even if you somehow brought back the old Hashirama right this second, do you expect everyone, Mito and me and even Izuna, to just forgive what he has done? All the things you don't know, and all the things you do, because I definitely don't believe that you are totally oblivious to what he is capable of." Touka asks gently.

"He hasn't done anything unforgivable." Tobirama snaps.

Even through the threats, and the fear, and the pain, and the neglect, Tobirama has to believe that Hashirama is still the bright-eyed, charismatic, if a bit dense, dreamer he loves. He has to believe Hashirama is still reachable, because he has believed in his older brother his whole life, has followed him, advised him, and helped him realize his dream of peace that seemed impossible. He has walked loyally at his brother's side since they were very young, and it's one thing to have that bond fade away when there's still a chance to revive it, but it's another thing altogether to try and reconcile with the fact that he will never have that with Hashirama again. 

"You don't know what he has done to Mito." Touka snaps back, "And he has done unforgivable things to you. He nearly put you to death, he never apologized for his mistake, he has blatantly ignored your efforts to repair the relationship between you, and then he has the audacity to convince you that  _ you're _ the problem because you have your own life that doesn't include him."

Tobirama fights to keep the tempests of emotion inside him from riling up his chakra, "That's not fair, Hashirama is not to blame if I presented myself in a way that-"

"That is exactly what I'm talking about!  _ Damn it _ Tobirama, he is responsible for his actions just like everyone else!" Touka interjects, poisonous anger seeping from her tone. 

The albino falls silent again and sullenly observes the floor. Touka is right of course, but it truly is not Hashirama's fault that he made himself seem capable of murdering children, and it is certainly not his brother's fault that Tobirama has so much trouble expressing himself, and the things she's condemning Hashirama for in relation to their brotherly bond are directly a result of those two flaws in him. Better that she continues to be unaware of the rest, she'd probably go straight to Hashirama with intent to skin him if he told her.

"Hashirama is beyond our reach now, I am begging you to listen to me. Tobi, I know you love him, and I know you desperately want to save him, but you  _ can't fix everything _ . I was going to leave you a letter explaining everything when Mito and I left, because I knew you would not want to accept this, but you have to stop denying that Hashirama is a danger to you and everyone around him before he does something you can't just dismiss." Touka states gravely.

Furious anguish rises in Tobirama's throat, "So that's it. You are just going to abandon him?"

_ You are going to abandon  _ **_me?_ ** The little voice in his head corrects.

Touka's eyes take on a bit of softness, but she doesn't reach out. She's not exactly an affectionate person, no matter how child Tobirama used to wish that she was. The only frequent affection he knew as a child was from Hashirama, and even then, it was difficult for Tobirama to accept because of the idea hammered into his head at a young age that his desire for human contact was weakness. For all that he loves Touka and she loves him, neither of them were raised in an environment that encouraged softness and neither of them really know how to freely express affection with each other. That doesn't stop them from trying, at the very least, but Tobirama has grown to despise barriers, emotional or otherwise, and he hates that he can't ever seem to completely lower his own.

"Tobira, you are my family, forever and always, and so is your brother. It deeply pains me to have to say this, but Hashirama is not someone I can willingly follow anymore, and Mito needs me. Helping her get away from him is the right thing to do." Touka says. 

_ Mito only has me. You will live without me, but she may not. I have to stay where I am most needed no matter how much it hurts.  _ Is what she says without saying. 

Tobirama takes a deep shaky breath, "You don't have to convince me, Touka, I wasn't going to try to stop you." 

"I know that you weren't," Touka replies, "I understand. You just don't want it to have to be this way. Neither do I, but this is how it is regardless. Just know, we will both come back as soon as he's gone."

Tobirama feels coldness invade his veins, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Touka defensively puts her hands up, "I'm simply telling you that this separation is not forever." 

Tobirama balls his hands into fists. He knows that she is trying to comfort him, but that is such a cruel ray of hope, that he should look forward to his brother being gone permanently by whatever means to see the women he considers sisters again. 

Eventually, he just changes the subject to something else that has been eating him to avoid having to confront that, "Mito's pregnancy, was it… I mean… did Hashirama…"

"No, he didn't sink that far." Touka says without waiting for him to finish, "It was consensual, but she gave no more details than that and I won't ask her to. Do you understand how  _ fucked up _ it is that you have to ask me that, though? The fact that you genuinely weren't sure is my entire point." 

Tobirama runs a hand through his hair, "It truly doesn't matter. I have to try to help him. He's my Anija." 

"You are going to back yourself into a corner you won't be able to get out of Tobira. You are choosing to blind yourself to the full extent of what he is capable of, and you are letting him gain more and more ground. By not telling anyone else what's really going on, all you are doing is making sure there will be no one there to help you when your back finally meets a wall, because no one will know you were on the brink." the woman says. Her gaze seems to pierce right to his core, sharper than even the analytical eyes of Izuna.

Tobirama wants to spill everything right then. He wants to tell her about Edo Tensei and Hashirama's threats on Izuna and all the turmoil in his head. Maybe he could convince her to take Izuna with her when she and Mito flee, so he would be safe and Tobirama could have more time to help his brother. But when he opens his mouth, no sound comes out and he immediately loses his nerve when he thinks of all the things that could go wrong. 

"Even if that is the case, I… I still…" Tobirama cannot finish the thought, the words just won't come. 

"You are too loyal for your own good." Touka bemoans, finally conceding defeat.

Tobirama smiles a bit although he feels no happiness, "I suppose that's my father's soldier in me."

Touka just echos his smile and for once reaches out and strokes her thumb over one of the red lines on his cheeks, "No Tobi. That's just who you are."

She withdraws her hand as quickly as she had outstretched it and clears her throat, "Well, Izuna asked me to talk to you, and I did." 

"Yes. You did." Tobirama allows.

"He is worried sick about you." Touka states.

"I know he is." Tobirama says.

"Try to comfort him before he sets something important on fire, won't you?" Touka asks.

Tobirama chuckles despite the situation, "I will try."

"And please, for the love of the gods, talk to someone. Mito and I won't leave for another week, talk to her, or me, or Izuna, anyone. You need support and an extra set of eyes on your back, you know?" 

The albino stays silent at that request. It's not one he can fulfill all things considered; he has to keep Edo Tensei a secret. 

His cousin stares at him intensely for another couple of seconds before giving a soft huff and letting her expression crumple to a dark grimace, "When I find out what he did to you, I'm taking every second of pain out of his ass tenfold, no matter if I have to cross the continent to do it or not."

"What?!" Tobirama yelps out of surprise.

"I may not be the smartest person out there, but I am not blind Tobirama," Touka growls, "and unlike Izuna, I have all the pieces of the picture. I know Hashirama has lost it entirely, I know he has done  _ something _ to make you act this way, and may the gods have mercy on his soul when I get to the bottom of what it was."

"I am just stressed, I promise." Tobirama sighs, a sudden tiredness seeping into his bones, "It isn't all Anija's fault. Everything is difficult right now."

The woman just shakes her head in response, "I wish I believed you. Either way, we have reached an impasse if you truly intend to keep what is troubling you so much to yourself."

Tobirama just shrugs, lacking a better response. Anything else would require they talk themselves through another loop with neither party relenting. 

Touka heaves a sigh and stretches her arms, "I have to finish sealing my clothes into packing scrolls. You are welcome to stay if you want. There is tea in the kitchen."

"Packing scrolls?" Tobirama asks a little dumbly as a thought starts forming in his mind.

"I'm packing to leave. Not tonight of course, but I have to be ready. So I'm sealing my clothes into scrolls for easy transport. You know, like we do all the time on missions?" Touka elaborates with a quirked eyebrow as she walks towards her bedroom.

Tobirama's gaze falls on a small sealing scroll near the door, and an implausible but still possible thought occurs to him. Izuna has kept several of Madara's things that bear sentimental value in similar scrolls. All of it under stasis seals, preserving them perfectly. And maybe, just maybe some of Madara's DNA ended up getting sealed and preserved as well. It is a long shot, but it is the best option that has occurred to him yet.

"I have to go." Tobirama says quickly.

"Alright," Touka sighs as she stands out of a crouch, "Please be careful with whatever you are doing Tobirama."

He is gone before she can turn around. 

* * *

Tobirama does his best to keep his dread contained as he crosses the threshold of his lab. The weight of the small glass bottle holding the hair he found sealed unknowingly with some of Madara's old clothes seems to multiply every second until Tobirama can no longer bear holding it, and he sets it onto his lab table with a quiet 'tink'. It is much too long to be Izuna's from the time when the scrolls were sealed, he knows that for certain, but there is a possibility it belongs to another long haired Uchiha that Tobirama didn't know about. Even so, the only option for getting DNA he is absolutely certain of is drugging Izuna and taking it from Madara's eyes, and he doesn't know if he could stomach that. 

For those reasons, Tobirama decides it is best to attempt the first try alone. If he brings Hashirama here when he tests it, it would only be that much worse if a random Uchiha was summoned. Or if the seals don't work at all or as intended because he hasn't gotten them checked and re-checked per his normal protocol and as a result, Madara is summoned… incomplete or otherwise warped. Having to deal with Hashirama's unpredictable outbursts of violence and rage on top of trying to sort out a failure would be hell on earth.

With his seals completed, and DNA in his grasp, the only missing ingredient is a live human sacrifice. He could take a prisoner meant to be executed anyway, but the police force would almost certainly notice missing prisoners. Then again, they wouldn't really be able to prove him the culprit, and using someone who still has any sort of future and sapping their life force for someone whose future ended long ago would be  _ another _ unforgivable sin on top of his growing pile. Tobirama has much looser morals than Izuna, but he likes to think he is above ending lives unprovoked. 

A suitable doomed prisoner should be reasonably easy to locate. He is reaching for an anchor near the jail when a chakra signature so full of rage and poisonous seething hatred that I makes him dizzy slams into his senses full force. Warped as it is, Tobirama doesn't recognize the signature at all, and his lab's wards don't either. That proves to be moot however, because the signature lashes out and shatters the seals around his lab with little effort causing the albino collapse to the ground with the force of a burning hot flash of pain in his head that blinds him for a few seconds. 

When Tobirama manages to recover enough to become aware of his surroundings again, he is horrified to find the chakra belongs to Hashirama, who is dragging a bloody, hopefully unconscious person behind him as he marches forward. The dread Tobirama was already feeling grows rapidly until it's choking him as he sees the completely unhinged look on his brother's face. Hashirama is heaving for breath, and his face is twisted into a dark, haunting scowl.

"I'm done waiting." Hashirama snarls, "You  _ are _ bringing Madara back tonight."

Tobirama chokes a bit, the wild and vicious lashing of his brother's chakra making it hard for him to concentrate or even breathe properly, "I… I don't have a sacrifice-"

The grin that creeps onto Hashirama's face is nothing short of deranged and he holds up the limp body he had dragged in by the back of the neck, "Of course you do. I brought a perfect sacrifice. And if you don't have the genetic material you said you needed, I can step out and grab that for you as well! I am not accepting anymore of your  _ excuses. _ " 

Tobirama's eyes drift to the person in Hashirama's grip and he barely keeps himself from flinching. It is a boy who is barely eighteen, if that, given his slight stature. He has unkempt dark brown hair, olive skin, several areas on his body are scarred and stitched up as if from some sort of experiments, and he has been battered pretty badly. He is covered in newer cuts and bruises and his own blood as well but he is breathing. The albino clenches his teeth and tries not to think about what Hashirama did to cause all those injuries. 

Touka's words from only hours earlier about backing himself into a corner and being alone echo in Tobirama's head and he desperately wishes he would have told her something now. He keeps trying to reason himself through this by repeating in his head over and over that this is his brother, the man has been eaten alive by grief, he is not truly in control of himself, and the Edo Tensei can fix what has been broken and warped and set things right in Hashirama's head. But that is a feeble mantra when a beaten and bloodied body is hanging out of his brother's grip and it is one barely out of teenage years.

"He will die, Anija." Tobirama croaks as he glances up at his brother and then darts his eyes back down to the boy, "I… I am honestly not sure what all these untested seals will do but I am certain they will kill him."

"So what." The Hokage clips as he unceremoniously drops the boy into a heap on the floor.

"He is barely an adult, if he is one at all. He is too young to die. Did you not swear to protect children?" Tobirama says, his voice tight with horror. 

"Madara was too young as well. And yes, I swore to protect children, but this is a shinobi. He tried to kill me, Tobirama. He was sent by one of the other villages to kill me, an act of  _ war. _ If he is old enough to dismantle the peace I painstakingly built, then he is old enough to die for the one person who will know how to fix all of this mess." Hashirama says. He then begins pacing erratically and mumbling about 'failure' and 'false peace' from the bits Tobirama can actually hear.

The albino carefully hauls himself out of his hunched position and stands against a table. This assassination attempt has apparently robbed Hashirama of what little reason he had left. Tobirama sets his jaw and looks back down at the boy. What nation could honestly send one so young and expect them to succeed in killing the 'God of Shinobi'? It is much more plausible that he was sent on a suicide mission, and his death was the goal all along to make it seem that Konoha was the aggressor for killing a shinobi barely out of his teens. 

Hashirama whirls around, suddenly seeming more focused, and snapping Tobirama from his thoughts, "The village is a failure. There will be no peace, only even bigger wars. Konoha may have a little more regard for young life, but we cannot make everyone else have those values. Children will still fight and die and the cycle will go on and on and  _ on.  _ I failed, but Madara will know exactly what to do.  _ Give him back to me,  _ **_now_ ** _! _ "

"Okay!" Tobirama cries, desperate for the bursts of smothering chakra to calm down, "Okay. Just… step back."

Hashirama smiles, almost like the bright happy smile he used to have, and briskly trots out of the way.

Tobirama's gut clenches as he walks up to the prone body of the boy.

"You never said if you had DNA or not." Hashirama pipes up from his spot now across the room, his smile much more sinister now, "Should I go get it from our little traitor?"

"No!" Tobirama blurts a bit too quickly and a bit too desperately and he has to take a deep breath before he can trust himself to speak calmly, "There is no need. I have some."

He makes a show of collecting the bottle with Madara's hair in it off of the tabletop it was on before returning to the boy's side. He is starting to stir, so as to not make his situation worse by letting him wake up to this nightmare, Tobirama quickly pops the cork of the bottle and sets it down beside him. He then hurriedly arranges the paper seals around the boy and takes his place at the top of the circle. It takes all the willpower Tobirama has to form the first handsign and start molding his chakra as he looks down at the tiny body, but he manages. Getting through the whole sequence is even harder, though, and it takes nearly thirty seconds for him to force himself to activate the seals after the last handsign. 

As he sets his hands down on the seal in front of him, Tobirama closes his eyes so he won't have to see the young assassin's last moments. For a few gut clenching moments, nothing happens, and Tobirama finds himself hoping that maybe nothing will until an angry wave of his brother's chakra washes over him and he has to wonder what the consequences of failure would be. Then, there's a surge in the circle, and Tobirama just barely manages to hold onto his consciousness as a merciless pulse of pain rockets through his entire nervous system. He drops to the ground, seizing uncontrollably as more painful pulses assault him, which ironically despite being one of the least pleasant moments of his entire life, affords him a great view of the first Edo Tensei he has ever conducted on a human. The paper seals disintegrate, and swirl around the sacrifice, growing in mass as they do. Then all at once, the ash like paper wraps around the body of the boy and solidifies into a new form. Soon, the visage of Madara is clear as day, the man is dressed in the same attire he wore on the day of his death, his unruly black mane is haphazardly arranged over his back, and though his skin is much paler than a living man's and it is cracked and flaky even once the Edo Tensei is completed, it is obviously his form and nothing seems immediately wrong. 

Tobirama curls up on the floor once the pain subsides, his breath coming in ragged pants as he rides out the easier to manage but still painful aftershocks of the spasms. His chakra reserves have been almost entirely depleted, and he reasons that the pain must have been caused by all of the chakra being used at once instead of being drained intermittently like it would have been normally. Hopefully, there has been minimal damage to the pathways themselves, but there's no way to know until he is examined by a healer.That was an unanticipated side effect, but Madara was summoned and he seems whole even if he hasn't moved yet, so Tobirama considers the potential permanent damage to his chakra system a small price for success and the restoration of Hashirama's waning sanity. 

"Madara." Hashirama calls almost reverently as he walks right past Tobirama's quaking form. The old familiar sting of his brother's indifference makes Tobirama's throat tighten. 

"Madara?" Hashirama says again, this time in a tone wrought with confusion and fear. 

Tobirama forces his aching, twitching muscles to move and sits up so he can get a better look at what is happening. He tries to ignore the pounding of his heart as he assesses the situation and realizes that while the body is standing there, and it is obviously Madara's, there is no real sign of sentience from it. It is not responding to what should be its name, it isn't even opening its eyes. Could he have somehow failed to summon Madara's soul? But the data was all there, it should have called him back for certain when he activated the seals. It is standing on it's own, so the body has some form of life in it. Another possibility is that summoning someone back from the dead with their mind intact is impossible without the original brain, in which case all he has summoned is a living doll with no memories or personality. 

The only thing Tobirama knows for sure is that there is definitely something wrong. That brief calmness he gained thinking he had succeeded has all but evaporated and his fear is back full force. The albino slowly struggles to his feet as Hashirama continues getting closer to 'Madara' and Tobirama wracks his brain trying to think of what could have gone wrong.

"Madara!" Hashirama calls for the final time, his voice and cheeks both wet with tears. He grabs the shoulders of what was supposed to be Madara and firmly shakes them. 

Fortunately, this does get a response. Unfortunately, that response is Madara snapping his eyes open, seemingly breaking out of some daze, and violently recoiling away from Hashirama as he grasps his head and let's out a choked noise of pain. 

Hashirama just stands there for a few moments, frozen from apparent shock. Tobirama watches as 'Madara' tumbles to the ground, still holding his head as though he is in severe pain even though with the looks of the shambling paper body he has, he shouldn't be able to feel pain at all. He then proceeds to scoot as far away from Hashirama as he can manage before eventually just curling up and whimpering in pain. 

This is going to get ugly, fast, and Tobirama knows it before Hashirama even turns on him. 

"What did you do to him?" The Hokage demands darkly, his gaze still focused on Madara.

"Nothing- I- I don't know what happened." Tobirama says even though he is certain his brother isn't going to believe him.

Sure enough, Hashirama rips his attention from the pitiful whimpering ball that Madara is at the moment to turn it on Tobirama instead, "What. Did. You. Do."

"Anija, I swear, I had no intention of turning him into… this. I honestly don't know what went wrong-" 

Hysterical laughter rips its way through Hashirama and Tobirama takes a step back away from him, "You don't know?! You did not summon Madara! You just made something that looked like him! Madara would never recoil from my touch! You summoned a fake, and it isn't even a good one!"

Tobirama backs up another step. Hashirama is unstable at best, and the only thing that had a chance of stabilizing his brother failed. The albino is prepared to try again, but it doesn't seem like Hashirama understands it is possible to keep trying and that this was the first test of an experimental jutsu. Tobirama has no idea how to calm his brother now, if he can at all. Touka's warnings bounce around in his mind again, along with panicked plans on how to diffuse this situation without Hashirama sinking completely out of reach.

"I am sure that it's just a problem with the jutsu formula." Tobirama says, trying to sound soothing but mostly sounding like the begging desperate mess he is, "I have some theories on why this may have happened. I can study him as he is now, adjust my notes, tweak the jutsu some and try again. It's a process, I almost never get a new jutsu right on the first try-"

"You want to leave him like that so you can poke and prod him?!" Hashirama interjects.

The younger Senju grits his teeth, "It's the only way to figure out exactly what went wrong, Anija, and it would only take an hour or two."

"I knew I shouldn't have put my hopes on someone like you," Hashirama mumbles.

Tobirama feels a stab of hurt and his eyes burn dangerously. It seems so unfair that after all the work and terror he has been put through by the man, Hashirama  _ still _ doesn't trust him. If only he knew  _ why _ , it may not hurt so badly if he understood the reasoning behind his brother's indifference. 

Hashirama begins shaking, whether from anger of sadness, Tobirama is unsure, and his chakra spikes dangerously. Questions about why he is so hated die on Tobirama's tongue and he continues backwards a few steps away from Hashirama. A louder cry interrupts Tobirama's hurriedly thought out escape plan, a piercing noise drawn from Madara, who is now digging his fingers into the ash like paper that makes up his head in obvious agony. Tobirama turns his attention away from his brother for barely two seconds to glance at the barely sentient Uchiha, his mind briefly flitting through ideas on how to release the Edo Tensei and spare the poorly reanimated soul the pain of existing the way he is. The distraction is a costly mistake, and when he turns back Hashirama has already closed the distance between them and looks even more deranged than normal. Tobirama uselessly raises his arms to protect his head, too filled with adrenaline to think of a better plan.

The blow never makes contact though. Tobirama cracks his eyes open to find that he was protected by a glowing red skeleton. His eyes widen a bit. Izuna's Susano'o, and with it, his lover's smoldering chakra wrapping around him like a warm blanket. Izuna came to save him, even after everything that has happened and everything Tobirama put him through. The albino stares at his loves back, mesmerized by the sight until a bit of movement catches his eye. 

Wood crumbles to the ground from several spears of Mokuton that are splintered against the Susano'o, halting their deadly arc towards the albino who had expected to be struck with fists, and would have paid with his life for making that assumption and freezing instead of fleeing. Tobirama feels sick when he realizes Hashirama had intended to kill him where he stood. Worse is the fact that he is only upset because his death would have been at the hands of someone he wanted so badly to trust. Other than that, to Tobirama's sincere horror, he is not afraid to die anymore. The release from his constant state of fight or flight would be worth it almost. 

He flicks his gaze back to his right side where the Uchiha had inserted himself between Tobirama and Hashirama's wooden spears to block the attack, and he takes in the sight of the man he loves with his stance solid and passionate fury whirling in the blood red pattern of his Mangekyo. Tobirama frowns, knowing that Izuna once again risked fatal injuries to protect him. At least he can rest assured that it will be the last time. It's all over when Izuna sees what the albino wrought on his now undead barely sentient brother, and Tobirama is unprepared to cope with the loss of both the man that was to be his husband and his Anija but it seems that is on the horizon now and he swears there is something starting to actually crack in his chest.

"Leave him alone you fucking bastard." Izuna snarls viciously.

Hashirama sneers darkly, "So the little traitor has the gall to show himself after all. You don't seem all that happy  _ Izuna _ ."

"Fuck you. I have nothing to say to you. You can answer to the law." Izuna barks before turning around a bit and softening his tone, "Are you okay?"

Emotions, ever Tobirama's most bitter enemy, squeeze his throat closed as he takes in the soft affection and genuine concern mixed in with the righteous anger in his lover's eyes, and the words to answer the simple question evade him entirely.

"Funny that you should blame me for this Izuna. When your precious Tobi is the one who deserves to answer to the law." Hashirama sighs over dramatically.

Tobirama can't bear to meet Izuna's gaze any longer and he drops his eyes to the floor. He prays that he will be forgiven even as the warped, nearly nonexistent chakra signature of what he made Madara into serves as solid proof that he won't be.

Izuna snorts derisively as he has not noticed his undead brother huddled in pain hiding under a table yet, "I came here because I felt Tobirama's lab wards broken. You forced your way into his property and attempted to assault your own brother. You nearly killed him. What possible justification could you come up with for such blatant abuse of power and lack of concern to the laws of Konoha?"

Hashirama makes a vague gesture towards Madara, "Seeing is believing right?"

Izuna's expression darkens further with suspicion, but he follows the gesture with his eyes anyway. Tobirama clenches his fists when his lover's chakra becomes heavy with undeniable betrayal and sadness. His Susano'o crumbles to nothing in seconds and he jolts away from Tobirama as if he had been burned. The younger Senju doesn't have to look up from the floor to know Izuna is fixing a horrified look on him.

"What the  _ fuck _ is this?" The Uchiha asks, his voice barely above a whisper, and his eyes locked onto the obviously inhuman form of his brother.

Tobirama opens his mouth to try to explain even a little, but he knows nothing he says will make this better so he shuts it back. Izuna's chakra spikes uncontrollably, and the turbulent emotions there combined with Hashirama's monstrous signature send hot spikes of pain into Tobirama's temples, making rational thought even harder to accomplish through the burden of sensory overload.

" _ Tobirama. _ " Izuna demands venomously, still trying to get a reasonable explanation that the albino doesn't have. Tobirama just even more pointedly averts his gaze so he can try to hide the frustrated and shame filled tears in his eyes as his nails draw blood from how hard he is clenching his fists.

Madara, for lack of a better name to call the pitiful creature with his likeness, makes a choked noise of pain that sends a visible shiver up Izuna's spine. The younger Uchiha inches towards his poorly resurrected brother, seemingly driven by a need to try and give comfort. Tobirama bites his lip, because there is a high chance Madara won't recognize him as he did not recognize Hashirama, and that would hurt Izuna deeply. 

"That may not be-" Tobirama tries to warn.

"I don't want to hear it." Izuna snaps.

The albino falls silent at that. He tries to ignore the vindictive sneer on his brother's face as Izuna tentatively approaches the reanimation. Some part of him hopes that Madara won't recognize Izuna, because even though that would be a thorn in Izuna's heart, it would spare them both the onslaught of Hashirama's frustration and jealousy.

Izuna kneels carefully beside his brother's hiding spot and carefully reaches out to tap his shoulder the way one would reach for an injured animal, "Madara?"

The undead Uchiha jumps a bit and looks up with unfocused eyes, "Izuna." 

Tobirama can see the tears forming in his loves eyes from where he stands, and he hates knowing he caused Izuna to cry  _ again.  _ Madara reaches out for his brother, and Izuna allows him to grab onto him, returning the embrace after a few tense seconds. 

"Where…" Madara croaks, "Wh-ere are we…? I rem… I remember… too much. It hurts! Make it stop! Please!"

Madara's plea starts out in barely coherent mumbles, but quickly dissolves into hysterical wailing. Izuna clenches his eyes shut and holds onto Madara tightly, apparently at a loss for ways to comfort him. 

A dark chuckle from Hashirama makes Tobirama jump, "So. This was your plan all along? To bring this fake Madara back, and then make me believe he never loved me?"

Tobirama shakes his head and desperately responds, "No, there is just something wrong with the sealing formula, it has messed with his mind. He probably recognizes Izuna because he is simply the most familiar face."

"He was supposed to fix things." Hashirama whispers, "He was supposed to chase away the voices and tell me what I did wrong."

The younger Senju opens his mouth to reply but he's immediately cut off.

"Now the voices are all that's left." The elder says, his own voice filled with despair.

"Anija,  _ please, _ you are not making sense, what is wrong? Madara is not the only one you can turn to." Tobirama pleads

Darkened and unhinged brown eyes lock with Tobirama's blood red, "The world is wrong."

Tobirama doesn't see what hits him initially, but he certainly feels it when a solid object slams into his stomach and throws him into the stone wall of his lab with enough force to create a web of thin cracks where his back and head made contact. He crumbles to his knees, already having been weakened by the mind numbing pain the Edo Tensei's recoil had caused him, and vomits from how hard he got hit in his abdomen. He cradles the offended area in both arms and tries to focus on catching his breath and chasing away the black spots dancing in his field of vision. When he finally thinks to look up, he sees that his brother had hit him with a blunt Mokuton pillar that he is now thoughtfully stroking.

"One thing Tobirama." The elder Senju says darkly as he begins to advance, "I asked you to choose my needs over those of that filthy rat for just this one thing. And you won't do it."

The albino's gut clenches in warning, but his head is light and fuzzy, likely from a concussion, and he can't stand. Izuna hasn't budged from his position curled around the shell that is his brother. Tobirama is as defenceless as a newborn right now, and Hashirama has already proven willing, even eager, to take his life. 

"I do love you, Otouto, but if you cannot be loyal to me without a second thought, then I'm afraid you would only be a hindrance, especially since I know you will try to stop the next step." Hashirama says in a deceptively calm manner.

Tobirama tries to get up, but he slips back down when he tries to push up on the wall with his hands.

Hashirama sighs, sounding almost normal despite what he's saying, "But you have been a great help Tobi. You showed me that I only had one option all along. I never could count on you. If Madara can't come back and be like he was, then I will just make a world where Madara never died at all!"

Tobirama has an overwhelming urge to flee, and he definitely could manage that at least once he located a Hiarishin anchor far enough away to afford him some recovery time, but he is too far away from Izuna and the broken doll that he turned Madara into. There is no telling what will happen to them if he leaves them with Hashirama when he is in this state. Even if the undead Uchiha is immune to outside damage until he is released from the seals as Tobirama suspects, Izuna is not quite as indestructible, and he would not be able to defend himself for long. Tobirama has brought this on himself, he can't expect someone else to suffer for his mistakes, especially not the person he has been desperately trying to protect for weeks now. If death is his fate tonight, then so be it, Tobirama figures.

"There will be peace,  _ real _ peace. I will make a world where everyone can be happy and never have to lose anyone they love." Hashirama preaches as he kneels in front of the younger Senju's still hunched form. 

"Anija, that is not possible." Tobirama mumbles faintly.

The older man smiles, and Tobirama barely keeps from flinching when a tan hand reaches out and lightly grabs his chin, "Oh Tobi. Always so quick to write off what you don't know as impossible." 

The younger man stares incredulously as Hashirama removes his hand and stands back up.

"As soon as I gather everything I need, I will show the world what peace truly is." Hashirama states gravely. He tilts his head and gives a sad little smile, "I sincerely wish you could live to see it, but sadly, little brother or not, all who oppose me must be eliminated. All I can offer you now, is a swift end, and the mercy of not making you watch Izuna's death." 

The albino looks up at his brother, searching for some small assurance that the man meant it when he said he still loved Tobirama. He finds no such solace, Hashirama just brightens his false smile and rises to his feet. How ironic that Tobirama, knowing how infamous he is for being a cold stone faced leader with no emotion to the general populace, is going to die because he was pathetically reaching out for a brother that had long ago lost any affection for him. He drops his gaze to the floor as Hashirama raises his hands. There will be no protection from Izuna this time, this is truly the end. 

Tobirama should be trying to fight. He knows that he shouldn't just roll over and die here, no self respecting shinobi would do that. He knows he should fight for Izuna, who Hashirama is, by his own admission, going to torture and kill after he is done with Tobirama, for the paper zombie that is Madara, who no one else will be able to release from the torment of his existence, for Touka and Mito who may not even make it out of the village now that Hashirama is as far gone as he is, and for the village itself that will undoubtedly suffer under the tyranny of a madman that no one would have the power to unseat. Yet, faced with Hashirama, his limbs seem to freeze, as always, and refuse to budge. His mind, ever his greatest asset, is blank when he tries to come up with a strategy to combat the man looming over him. Not that any of that matters anyway, even if he could bring himself to raise a hand against his elder brother it would be like a rabbit charging a lion, he would be crushed. For all he knows he should fight, Tobirama also knows there is no point, and he couldn't make himself do it even if there was. 

"I love you. Both of you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that more often." Tobirama says just loudly enough for his loved ones to hear. He doesn't receive a reply from either of them, but at least he got to say his peace.

Hashirama closes his hands into the snake sign just as Tobirama closes his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos make me smile on bad days. :)


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